1778

1778. Though the weather has been very cold for several days, I have had to ride, sometimes a considerable distance, and preach every day. This day I preached a funeral sermon on the death of a daughter of her who was buried last Friday. My text was, “This year thou shalt die.” Death, like a cruel conqueror, spareth none on whom he seizeth; but sendth them to the shades of eternity, without respect to age or condition!

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I experienced much of the love of Jesus Christ shed abroad in my heart; and through His meritorious mediation, found a delightful nearness to God. Indeed I have found great happiness during this Christmas season, and have endeavoured to redeem my time by diligent industry. May the Lord keep me steadfast and faithful to the end, and bless me with abiding witness that I love him with all my heart! The people were lively to-day at Mr. John Chair’s, and especially in the class meeting.

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The word of the Lord went to the hearts of the people with cutting power, both at Fredericktown (Cecil County) in the forenoon, and at Mr. E. Hearn’s in the afternoon. But my own mind has been under exercises from Satan. On Monday my spirit was grieved for want of more spirituality, and more of God.

DELAWARE

The congregation at Mr. Scotten’s was large, but dull. But the people seemed quickened both at Mr. Alfrey’s on Tuesday, and at Mr. Howard’s on Wednesday.

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I enjoyed sweet communion with God this morning, and was enabled to rest my soul on him as my never-failing support. God was powerfully with us at Mr. Richard Shaw’s (near Dover, Delaware) on Friday, and the people felt the weight of Divine truths.

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By reason of the snow the congregations were small, but the Lord gave us his blessing. My soul has possessed a holy calm; and I have found the Lord constantly with me, in a greater or less degree. I have just finished the last volume of Whiston’s Josephus,¹ and am surprised that, at the age of seventy, Mr. Whiston should spend so much of his time in such a dry, chronological work. How much better was Mr. Baxter employed, when he thought himself near to eternity, meditating and writing on the Saints’ Everlasting Rest.

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A solemn, comfortable sense of God rested on my soul this morning; and at Mr. William Thomas’s, there was a good congregation of poor, but serious and desirous people. At the widow Jump’s, on Wednesday, there was a general melting, and six were received into the society on trial. So there is some ground to hope that this place, which has appeared to be barren, will yet bring forth the fruits of righteousness. Many were also much affected at Mr. Virdenn’s:¹ after the service was ended, two men in arms came up; but they went away without making known their design.

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I found great liberty of spirit and speech at Mr. J. Gray’s; and there met with brother George Shadford.¹

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After discoursing at Mr. A——n’s on the parable of the sower, I thought it proper to remove the preaching to another house; for his religious sentiments did not agree with ours.

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My soul was kept humble and watchful: and I have been enabled to put my whole trust in God, on all occasions. Brother Littlejohn¹ sent me some account of the work of God; and I am strongly persuaded that he will defend his own cause, and his own people.

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The house was not sufficient to contain the congregation at the widow Woodland’s, and the word went with power to the hearts of the people. Thursday was a very cold day, yet many, both rich and poor, attended at I.K.’s. And the Lord enabled me to show them plainly, to what lengths a man may go in the externals of religion, and be but almost a Christian.

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My heart was fixed on God. I have lately found more sweetness and delight than ever before, in reading the Old Testament. And having met with Luther’s Comment on the Galatians, I have begun to read that. After riding eight miles to Mr. Z. Hazzard’s, I found that I had eight miles farther to ride, to preach a funeral sermon at Mr. Fowler’s: and the Spirit of the Lord rested upon my soul. Then rode five miles more, in great peace and love, to lodge at Mr. Masten’s.

MARYLAND

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Many attended at Mr. John Randall’s in the forenoon, and God gave me power to speak to their hearts. I then rode ten miles farther to the meeting house,¹ and preached to about three hundred solemn and attentive people.

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Both my body and mind were under a heavy gloom. Attempting to preach in Quaker Neck,¹ my mind was shut up, and I had no power to speak to the people. This is very painful and disagreeable; but it ought to be borne with patience. Physic is necessary sometimes, as well as food.

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My soul had peace, and enjoyed sweet rest in God, after all my trials. May I ever glorify him, even in the fires! Dark prospects, in temporal matter, present themselves to my view. But “the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous”; and he hath promised to be “a wall of fire round about” his Church, “and the glory in the midst of her.” I preached a funeral sermon at the meeting house on 1 Corinthians 15:20: “But now is Christ risen from the dead, and become the first-fruits of them that slept.” There were many people on this solemn occasion, and my heart was enlarged towards them.

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We had a good time at Fredericktown in the forenoon, and I found myself at liberty in the afternoon at Mr. Hearn’s. My heart feels nothing contrary to love and purity; and the effect thereof is abundant peace. Troubles stare me in the face; but I have confidence towards God, and without perplexing myself with anxious care, will leave all events to him.

DELAWARE

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There was some appearance of a revival at Mr. Scotten’s; and the Lord blessed my soul with liberty, peace, and love. On Tuesday we had a love feast at Lewis Alfrey’s,¹ and many delivered their affectionate testimony of God’s goodness and love in Christ Jesus.

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I received a strange account, which had been attested on oath by the people who lived in the house but am at a loss to know what judgment to pass upon it. The fact was this: a wicked young fellow, whose friends countenanced the truths of the gospel, was disposed, it seems, to curse the preacher; but being deterred from doing it openly, he went to the place of worship, with a design to curse him in his heart. It seems he was struck with terror, and soon after died. His own brother said, the devil pulled his heart out.

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After preaching at Mr. Freeny’s in the forenoon, I met the congregation at Mr. Richard Shaw’s, who is a striking instance of the power and goodness of God: some time ago he was, like Saul, an opposer of the truth, but grace hath changed his heart.

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The Lord hath supported me in preaching at every place; and this day I came to Thomas White’s, and met brother George Shadford. The martial, threatening aspect of the times has had a great tendency to keep me close to God: and my soul has experienced the benefit.

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I had much peace, but too much company: my time was not spent to the greatest advantage. But the next day I felt the power of Divine truths in my own heart, while preaching at Edward White’s,¹ from 1 Peter 1:13-15.

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Our quarterly meeting began in Mr. White’s barn, and numbers attended from different parts. On Tuesday morning we held our love feast; and the Lord was with us. My heart was powerfully drawn out, in preaching on the last three verses of the forty-eighth Psalm.

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I set my face unto the Lord God, to seek by prayer and supplications, with fasting. And although brother Shadford had manifested a desire to leave the continent, he now agreed to abide in the country with me awhile longer.

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Though the weather was disagreeable, yet many people attended at Edward White’s; and there appeared to be a promising prospect, amongst the young people especially. I have great hopes that the Lord will show mercy, and make his power known in the family of the White’s.

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Satan has made several violent pushes at my soul, but he has not been able even to break my peace. The word was powerfully applied to the hearts of the people at Mr. J. Gray’s to-day.

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After preaching with holy warmth at Mr. Robert Layton’s, I met the class, in which were some faithful souls, but others that could hardly bear plain dealing. But we must deal plainly and honestly, though affectionately and tenderly, with all that come in our way, and especially with such as put themselves under our pastoral care. If we seek to please men, unless it is for their good to edification, we are not the servants of Christ.

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I spoke closely and pointedly to many poor, ignorant people at the widow Jump’s. And on Friday, met a dull congregation at Mr. C.’s.¹

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Rode to I.K.’s, on Cedar Creek, an old Presbyterian, who keeps his coffin ready made. But both the congregation and the class seemed very blind and ignorant in Spiritual things.

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Returned to Thomas White’s, with a cold in my head and an inflammation in my throat, which detained me till the Lord’s day. But my time was chiefly spent in prayer and reading Flavell’s and Hartley’s works;¹ though no book is equal to the Bible. I have also received much instruction and great blessings of late in reading Mr. Wesley’s Works. There is a certain spirituality in his works, which I can find in no other human compositions. And a man who has any taste for true piety, can scarce read a few pages in the writings of that great divine, without imbibing a greater relish for the pure and simple religion of Jesus Christ, which is therein so Scripturally and rationally explained and defended.

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Samuel Spraggs came in from the upper circuit;¹ but on Tuesday both he and George Shadford left me. However, I was easy, for the Lord was with me. And if he will be with me, and bring me to my Father’s house in peace, he shall be my God forever. Yea; let him do with me as seemeth good in his sight—only let him not take his Holy Spirit from me—and he shall be mine, and I will be his, in time and through eternity.

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I was under some heaviness of mind. But it was no wonder: three thousand miles from home—my friends have left me—I am considered by some as an enemy of the country—every day liable to be seized by violence, and abused. However, all this is but a trifle to suffer for Christ, and the salvation of souls. Lord, stand by me!

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My temptations were very heavy, and my ideas were greatly contracted in preaching, neither was my soul happy as at many other times. It requires great resignation for a man to be willing to be laid aside as a broken instrument. But

“In all my temptations

He keeps me, to prove

His utmost salvation—

His fulness of love.”

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I applied myself to the Greek and Latin Testament; but this is not to me like preaching the Gospel. However, when a man cannot do what he would, he must do what he can.

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To make the best of my time in this partial confinement, I have attended closely to my studies, spent some time in instructing the children, and intend to lecture frequently in the family. This day I received information that brother Wrenn¹ was cast into prison at Annapolis.

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My spiritual exercises have been various. I have frequently been under powerful temptations: but at other times my soul has been serene and comfortable. Much of my time is spent in study. And my desire is, to glorify God in all I do, and spend all I gain in his service.

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A large congregation attended at Edward White’s while I enforced the important inquiry, “What shall it profit a man if he gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” A warm, affectionate zeal glowed in my heart, and some of the people were affected. On Monday I met with brother Cox,¹ and sent him into the upper circuit, intending myself to abide here for a season till the storm is abated.

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Blessed be God! his providence hath cast my lot in a quiet, agreeable family; where I can make the best improvement of my time in study and devotion. Brother Cooper¹ came from below, and we had a meeting at Edward White’s, where some were deeply cut to the heart by the two-edged sword of the word.

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The grace of God is a sufficient support, while I bear the reproach of men, and am rewarded with evil for all the good which I have done, and desired to do for mankind. I want for no temporal convenience, and endeavour to improve my time by devotion and study; but all this cannot give full satisfaction, while it is not in my power to labour more for God in seeking the salvation of souls. But I am strongly persuaded that Divine Providence will bring about a change before long.

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This night we had a scene of trouble in the family. My friend Mr. Thomas White was taken away,¹ and his wife and family left in great distress of mind. The next day I sought the interposition of God by fasting and prayer.

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Editorial note: The supplied edition cites “2 Corinthians 6:20” (ASB_VOL1.PDF, PDF page 265), but this is not a valid reference in the library’s KJV numbering. The historical wording is retained; the intended passage has not been established. The 1821 printed journal also reads “2 Cor. vi. 20”; that older witness does not remove the citation difficulty. Francis Asbury, Journal (1821), PDF page 216.

This was a day of much Divine power and love to my soul. I was left alone, and spent part of every hour in prayer; and Christ was near and very precious. The next day I preached with great solemnity at Edward White’s, on 2 Corinthians 6:20; and on Monday found freedom to move. After riding about fifteen miles, I accidentally stopped at a house where a corpse was going to be buried, and had an opportunity of addressing a number of immortal souls. I then rode on through a lonesome, devious road, like Abraham, not knowing whither I went: but weary and unwell, I found a shelter late at night; and there I intended to rest till Providence should direct my way. This was something like the faithful saints of old times, mentioned in Hebrews xi: “They wandered about in sheepskins and goat-skins, being destitute, afflicted, tormented: (of whom the world was not worthy:) they wandered in deserts, and in mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth.” Though it must be acknowledged their trials far exceeded.

MARYLAND

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My soul was kept in peace; and I spent much of my time in reading the Bible and the Greek Testament. Surely God will stand by and deliver me! I have none other on whom I can depend. And he knows with what intention and for what purposes I came into this distant and strange land, and what little I have suffered for his cause. At night a report was spread which inclined me to think it would be most prudent for me to move the next day. Accordingly I set out after dinner, and lay in a swamp till about sunset; but was then kindly taken in by a friend. My soul has been greatly humbled and blessed under these difficulties, and I thought myself like some of the old prophets, who were concealed in times of public distress.

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I promised God, that if he would lift me up, I would be wholly his, and spend as much time in returning thanks as I have spent in seeking his protection,—which has been some part of every hour. My soul has been much comforted in reading J. Alleine’s Letters,¹ which he wrote in prison. I felt strong confidence in God, that he would deliver me; being conscious that I sought neither riches nor honour, and that what I suffered was for the sake of his spiritual Church, and the salvation of my fellow-men. I was informed that brother Joseph Hartley was apprehended last Lord’s day in Queen Annes (County). May the Lord strengthen and support him, while he suffers for righteousness’ sake! He shall be faithfully remembered by me in my addresses to the throne of grace. This evening I was called upon to visit a person in distress of mind; and the Lord gave him rest for his soul. Perhaps Providence cast my lot in this place for the assistance of this man.

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My heart was kept pure, and panting after God, though I was in some sense a prisoner, and under the necessity of being concealed, rather than sacrifice the peace of my conscience, and offend my God. O my Lord, guide thy poor pilgrim through the rugged ways of this ungodly and dangerous world! And if I suffer with Christ here, may I finally reign with him in glory!

“Who suffer with our Master here,

We shall before his face appear,

And by his side sit down;

To patient faith the prize is sure;

And all that to the end endure

The cross, shall wear the crown.”

My practice is, to keep close to God in prayer, and spend a part of every hour, when awake, in that exercise. I have lately begun to read Mr. Wesley’s Notes again; and have always found both them and his Sermons to be made an especial blessing to my soul. My exercises are very deep and various. The Lord makes great discoveries of my defects and shortcomings in many points. He melts my heart into humility and tenderness; he graciously draws me nearer and nearer to himself; and fills me with the spirit of holy love.

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God was my portion, and my soul rested in him. But I was at a loss to know what to do: my time was useless in respect to others; though I carefully improved it for my own spiritual advantage, which for some years past, had been in a degree neglected, on account of my great attention to the souls of others. And I know not what to determine— whether to deliver myself into the hands of men, to embrace the first opportunity to depart, or to wait till Providence shall further direct. The reason of this retirement was as follows.¹ From March 10, 1778, on conscientious principles I was a non-juror, and could not preach in the State of Maryland; and therefore withdrew to the Delaware State, where the clergy were not required to take the State oath: though, with a clear conscience, I could have taken the oath of the Delaware State, had it been required; and would have done it, had I not been prevented by a tender fear of hurting the scrupulous consciences of others. Saint Paul saith, “When ye sin so against the brethren, and wound their weak conscience, ye sin against Christ.” (1 Corinthians 8:12.)

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This was one of my dumb and silent Sabbaths, and was spent in fasting and prayer, that the Lord may turn again my captivity. My soul was greatly humbled, and not a little comforted in waiting before God. I lament that part of the Lord’s flock is carried away captive; but hope that those who remain in Zion will be holiness to the Lord, and found among the living in Jerusalem.

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I formerly thought it would be death to me to keep silence from declaring the word of God; but now I am in a measure contented, and hope to see a day of liberty once again. It appears to be the will of God that I should be silent for a season, to prepare me for further usefulness hereafter. Therefore my time shall be employed to the best advantage.

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I am not yet forsaken of all, but am happy in the family where I stay, and my soul is fixed on God. I have a private chamber for my asylum, where I comfort myself in God, and spend my time in prayer, meditation, and reading. The next day brother John Fogwell¹ held a public meeting: he appeared to be a well-meaning, good man; and who hath despised the day of small things?

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My soul was blessed with peace; but I earnestly desire to be more spiritual in all my thoughts, words, and actions.

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Being Good Friday, I devoted myself to fasting and prayer. How many such days have I spent in addressing large congregations on the mournful subject of our blessed Lord’s crucifixion; but am now deprived of the privilege of making a public improvement of the day. I must sit down and weep, when I remember Zion, and the years of God’s right hand. O! how I long to see his goings in the sanctuary, as in times past! Return, O Lord, to the many thousands of Israel, and cause us to rejoice according to the days in which we have seen trouble! I now enjoy a favourable opportunity of taking a circumstantial review of my past life. But alas! how am I shamed, and covered with blushing before God. My soul is bowed in awful reverence and melting humility before the mercy-seat. My intention has been pure, as far as I can judge; but on account of my imperfections, if there were no Mediator, there could be no hope of mercy. But, blessed be God, I can come with humble boldness to the throne of grace, knowing “that we have a High Priest that can be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; who was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.” I hope to learn obedience by the things I suffer; and walk more watchfully and piously before God for the time to come.

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I labour to make the best use of my precious time; and hope to be better prepared for future service on earth, or for eternal service in heaven. I bear our dear, suffering friends, on my heart.

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Another solitary Sabbath. Ezekiel’s portion is mine—to be dumb for a season. But the Lord gives me patience, and supports me under it. The family amongst whom my lot is cast use me with great kindness; and may the Lord show kindness to them according to all that they have done unto me!

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Reading the Revelation, with Mr. Wesley’s Notes, was made a particular blessing to my soul; but my conscience checked me severely for not reading more frequently that part of the sacred canon, seeing such a blessing is pronounced on them that read and understand it. But I intend for the future, if time and health will permit, to read one chapter in it every day.

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I purposed in my own mind, to spend ten minutes out of every hour, when awake, in the duty of prayer. May the Lord help me to pay all the vows which my heart hath uttered, and my mouth hath spoken in the time of trouble!

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I finished Mr. Wesley’s Notes on the New Testament, and began to read Doddridge’s Rise and Progress;¹ but am not so decorated with holy love as the temple of God should be. I am reconciled to my condition, and in faith and prayer commit all events to my Divine Protector. This is an excellent season for dressing my own vineyard.

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God was near, and my heart was exceedingly humbled before him. I finished Doddridge, and was pleased, instructed, and affected thereby. I think an abridgment of this book would be of great service to our societies.

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I began reading honest John Bunyan’s Holy War,¹ and my soul was kept in peace, but earnestly desirous of every branch and degree of perfect love. Holiness is far preferable to the greatest wisdom.

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I was still confined and obliged to keep silence; but spent much of the day in reading the Revelation, with Mr. Wesley’s Notes upon it. As this Revelation was given on the Lord’s day, what can be a more proper subject for meditation on that day? Devoting much of my time to the exercise of prayer, I pray frequently for my dear parents and friends, as well as for myself.

DELAWARE

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Ventured to leave my asylum; and under the special providence of God, came safe to my old abode;¹ where I purpose spending these perilous days in retirement, devotion, and study. I want for nothing but more holiness, and wonder at the love and care of Almighty God, towards such a dead dog as I am. My spirit was greatly comforted by Psalm 106:10: “He saved them from the hand of him that hated them: and redeemed them from the hand of the enemy.”

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The minds of the people are so confused, and filled with the spirit and troubles of the times, that it does not appear to me as if God required me to treat with them on spiritual and eternal subjects, till they can, with some considerate calmness, pay attention to those momentous matters. I have lately been grievously haunted by the temptations of Satan; but my desire is to die rather than live to sin against God. Lord, stand by me in the day of trial, and every moment support my feeble soul! On Saturday also my mind was much harassed by my spiritual adversary; and my study and devotion were interrupted, so that I could do but little either for God or myself.

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My mind was strangely twisted and tortured, not knowing what to do. It seems I know not how to fight, nor how to fly: but I am persuaded there will be a speedy change in the wheel of Providence, either prosperous or adverse. Others are now free, but I am bound. Reading at present no other books on the Lord’s days, I have lately read the Revelation, with Mr. Wesley’s Notes, three times through.

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Satan hath a desire to destroy, or at least, to disturb my soul. But I pray mightily to God against him. O that he may rebuke the tempter, and make a way for my escape!

On Wednesday my temptations were so violent, that it seemed as if all the infernal powers were combined to attack my soul. Like Elijah, when persecuted by Jezebel, I was ready to request for myself that I might die. However, about noon the storm abated, and my soul was calm. I had felt as though I could neither pray nor read; but the Lord blessed my troubled soul while endeavouring to pray with brother Edward White. My temptations have been such as I never experienced before in the course of my life. But God will help me, and I shall yet praise him! Both Friday and Saturday my spiritual enemies were upon me, but my soul had more strength from the Lord. My practice is, to spend some part of every hour in prayer. Lord, “what is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?” On Saturday brother White came home, as in answer to prayer. On the Lord’s day I read the Revelation three times over, and experienced great sweetness in my soul, both in reading and family exercises.

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My mind was deeply exercised, not knowing what to do. If the Lord delivers me, I shall be bound to praise him: if I had a thousand hearts and tongues, and a million of years to live, all would be insufficient for paying the mighty debt of praise. Time, and language, and numbers all fail in point of praise and adoration for the unmerited mercies of a gracious God.

“Praise ye the Lord, ye immortal choirs,

That fill the realms above;

Praise Him who form’d you of his fires,

And feeds you with his love.”

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My exercises were still grievous; but I am persuaded that all these trials will contribute to the spiritual advantage of my soul. Temptations and prayer, as one observes, qualify a Gospel minister for his work. But I am ready to ask, as one of old, “Lord, are there few that be saved?” May God vouchsafe to help and deliver his few afflicted people!

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I met a small congregation, and my soul was blessed in speaking to the people, as it usually is on such occasions. O my God! when wilt thou turn again my captivity? Surely Jacob shall rejoice, and Israel shall be glad.

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I still attend to prayer, study, and teaching the children; but cannot be fully satisfied without preaching the Gospel, which appears to be my peculiar province. Though I find more relish for the word of God, and greater sweetness in reading it, than ever before.

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My soul was, for the most part, in peace; though at times my own trials and the trials of others produced strong agonies of mind. But strengthened with Divine might, I am able to oppose the tempter in his most violent assaults, and am brought off more than conqueror. The study of the Holy Scriptures affords me great pleasure. Lord, help me to dig into the Gospel field as for hidden treasure!

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It may be observed that two of our preachers have been apprehended, rather than do violence to conscience; and the men by whom they were both taken, were dangerously wounded within a few weeks after they had laid hands upon them. I am now resigned to my confinement, and am persuaded that God, by his providence, will show me when and which way to go.

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As a congregation was collected to hear the word, I ventured to preach, and found my soul much drawn out both in speaking to God and the people. Perhaps this was a token of future enlargement and usefulness.

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My spirit was oppressed by heavy temptations. The preachers and people began to convene for the quarterly meeting, which was to begin the next day.

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Brother Cox began our quarterly meeting, and then I preached with tender sensibility and warm affection a humiliation sermon, on Joel 2:16-18: “Gather the people, sanctify the congregation, assemble the elders, gather the children, and those that suck the breasts; let the bridegroom go forth to his chamber, and the bride out of her closet. Let the priests, the ministers of the Lord, weep between the porch and the altar, and let them say, Spare thy people, O Lord, and give not thy heritage to reproach, that the heathen should rule over them: wherefore should they say among the people, Where is their God? Then will the Lord be jealous for his land, and pity his people.” The hearts of the people were greatly melted under the word: and the power of the Lord was with us in the afternoon also. We were quiet and undisturbed; and I hope the word will take root in the hearts of some who were present. On Wednesday there was so much company about me, that I could not keep in my usual and desirable track of walking with God.

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My mind was somewhat dissipated. A young woman, who had been awakened by the instrumentality of Captain Webb, but deprived of the means of grace for about four years, and had thought she could never be happy unless among the Methodists, was now brought to God by faith in Jesus Christ, and found peace in her soul. Another person was also brought into deep distress for an interest in Christ about the same time. Our family meetings are now attended with great power.

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Satan worried my mind with his temptations; but at night we joined the two families together for worship, and the Spirit of the Lord was with us in power.

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I set this day apart for fasting and prayer, especially in behalf of brother Thomas White. My soul was comforted to hear that Mrs. P., near seventy years of age, knew by experience that she could be born again, though she was old. This week the Lord has given me two, as the children of my bonds.

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Thomas White went back to have his case determined. He left his family in much distress of mind. I endeavoured to minister some comfort to them: but in respect to myself, everything appeared to be under a cloud; so that I knew not, as yet, what the Lord would be pleased to do with me. I now began to read Barclay’s Apology,¹ and to make some strictures.

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I spent much of the forenoon in prayer, and read through the book of Job: but was sorely tempted by the devil. My spiritual trials have been heavier and more grievous of late, than I have ever experienced before in all the course of my pilgrimage. They seem to indicate to me, that I shall lose my soul, or lose my life, or live for some peculiar usefulness in the Church of Christ. On Saturday Mr. Hartley came to see me; and I ventured to set out for Mr. Williams’;¹ but having been so long unaccustomed to riding, my body was exceedingly fatigued. However, my soul was much refreshed in meeting the people there.

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My body was indisposed: but many people came together to hear the word of God: and as there had been some little disorders among them, I discoursed on 2 Timothy 2:19, “Nevertheless, the foundation of God standeth sure, having this seal, the Lord knoweth them that are his. And, let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity.’’ We had a profitable time; and in the afternoon I went to hear Mr. C., who appeared to be a well-meaning, though a weak man.

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I rode about twenty miles and came home very unwell, and continued for several days afflicted with a fever and boils; but my soul was peaceably stayed on the Lord, in the midst of various and heavy trials both of body and mind.

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Being Whitsunday, I went to the barn,¹ weak as I was, and preached on Romans 8:7-9. My heart was enlarged, and the people were greatly melted and alarmed; and many of them felt the gracious drawings of the Father. But alas! I am as gold in the furnace! though I must not think it strange concerning the fiery trial, which is to try me, as though some strange thing had happened unto me. In my patience may I possess my soul: and the Lord, in his own time, will deliver me. Surely, when this mortal shall put on immortality, then shall there be an eternal day without a cloud, ease without pain, and joy without any mixture of sorrow! I preached again in the afternoon, and found great liberty in my spirit. Peradventure, the Lord will, in this barren place, raise up a seed to serve him.

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I had both great peace and heavy trials; but have cause to complain of the want of more seriousness and devotion to God. I find the more pious part of the people called Quakers, are exerting themselves for the liberation of the slaves. This is a very laudable design; and what the Methodists must come to, or, I fear, the Lord will depart from them. But there is cause to presume, that some are more intent on promoting the freedom of their bodies, than the freedom of their souls; without which they must be the vassals of Satan in eternal fire.

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For a few days past my mind has been variously agitated at certain times, by that restless, fallen spirit, who so often attempts to break my peace; but my soul has been kept by the same omnipotent, gracious arm which has been so frequently displayed in my behalf. I went to Reynear Williams’, where all our souls were under the softening influence of Divine grace in the class meeting. With animation of spirit I preached twice on the Lord’s day, to large congregations. As the Gospel of Jesus Christ meets with indulgence in this free State, I entertain a hope that it will prove a general blessing to the inhabitants thereof; and that Delaware will become as the garden of the Lord, filled with plants of his own planting.

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The congregation was large at Mr. K.’s, but showed too much appearance of spiritual insensibility. I have lately been surprised, and self reproved, for not feeling the same earnest desire that the word might profit the hearers, after it was delivered, as I have felt before the preaching began. My soul was deeply engaged with the Lord, at this time, that the word might prove a permanent blessing. On Tuesday I heard Mr. Thorne preach a funeral sermon, which was well put together, but not calculated to reach the hearts of the people.

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My trials, as usual, have been great, but the Lord has not left me comfortless. About this time it was currently reported, that a treaty of peace was like to take place.¹ I thought this would have been a singular blessing, especially as it would have given the Gospel a free course through the land. But my hope is, through grace, that I shall be found prepared for all changes and circumstances.

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I was enabled to press upon the consciences of the people, with great pungency, the awful declaration of God in Amos 4:11: “I have overthrown some of you, as God overthrew Sodom and Gomorrah, and ye were as a firebrand plucked out of the burning: yet have ye not returned unto me, saith the Lord.” Some felt the word preached; and at the class meeting the hearts of the society were melted.

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We have had some refreshing times, both in our public and society meetings, through the course of this week; and my own soul has sometimes been greatly drawn out in affectionate devotion; but at other times sorely tempted by the enemy. We have had a very alarming drought in this part of the country. Last Friday, we fasted, and prayed that the Lord might water the earth: but though we had a fine shower, it did not seem to cover much more than the two adjacent farms.

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In the forenoon, I preached under an oak, on “Him that cometh unto me, I will in no wise cast out;” but the people seemed unmoved: though in the afternoon they were a little roused by that awful threatening, Psalm 9:17: “The wicked shall be turned into hell, and all the nations that forget God.” Yet there seems to be a judicial hardness of heart amongst many of the people. There was a large congregation at Mr. Shaw’s on Monday, but they also were under the influence of a spiritual stupor. My mind has been much agitated; and at present my prospect of success is but gloomy. Sometimes I have been afraid that I have done wrong in retiring from the work; though, as far as I can judge, the glory of God and the prosperity of his Church, were my chief objects.

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Brother Freeborn Garrettson¹ came to see me; and on Friday the Lord sent us a plentiful rain after the threatening drought.

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I lamented my want of more spiritual life and Divine animation; neither did I find myself so quietly and perfectly resigned to the present dispensations of Providence, as is necessary to keep my soul in undisturbed peace, and promote my advancement in all the beauty of holiness.

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The Lord favoured me with great assistance in preaching three times to-day; and at Mr. Calloway’s, in the forenoon, we had a very solemn season.

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It has been matter of grief to me, that I have not been more holy and heavenly in all the powers of my soul. And it will be very wonderful if my soul should be saved, after so many external trials, and such internal assaults from the banded powers of darkness. Death and destruction seem to threaten me on every side; but, “Thou know’st the pains thy servants feel;

Thou hear’st thy children’s cry;

And their best wishes to fulfil,

Thy grace is ever nigh.”

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My exercises were heavy, but I had some liberty in preaching, and there were some happy souls who possessed the spirit of prayer.

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Satan so beset me by different means, that it seemed as if I could do little else but endeavour to pray.

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I rode to W. and found that Mr. C. had taken away about half the society, and was gone to set up a church for himself. But I met those who were willing to abide with us, and preached twice on the Lord’s day, perhaps to some purpose.

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Preaching in Slaughter’s Neck,¹ there appeared to be some impediment in the family: I therefore removed the preaching, and found the children were openly wicked. We shall now meet the people at Mr. Shockleys’, whose family appears serious; and I hope the work of God will go on in this neighbourhood. The people were all attention at W. Richards’ on Wednesday, but not much affected. On Thursday I preached at Boyer’s,² and then returned to brother Thomas White’s.

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I laid a plan for myself to travel and preach nine days in two weeks. This was one step towards my former regularity in what appears to me as my duty, my element, and my delight. On the Lord’s day I met a class in the morning, and then preached twice, with earnestness and affection, to large, attentive, and serious congregations. My spirit was afterward refreshed in the company of some of my old friends.

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My company being gone, my soul returned to its usual exercises; and I was led to reflect on the fluctuating state of human life—a continual circle in which the soul can find no permanent centre to fix upon! We shall never have perfect rest till we come to the holy mountain of the Lord.

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My soul keeps close to God in prayer, meditation, and reading. My internal exercises are very great, and I see no other way to conquer and escape, but by resisting my malignant foe. On Thursday I went about twenty miles to preach at one Twyford’s,¹ in Sussex: there were about two hundred people who appeared to be kind, and willing to receive instruction; and I was enabled to fix their attention, though they were ignorant and wild.

MARYLAND

I then rode ten miles on my way back to visit Joshua Barwick’s,² who was in deep distress of soul. On Saturday my mind was sweetly stayed on God, after riding about fifty miles since Thursday, seeking to bring poor wandering souls to the fold of Christ. I hope to travel and preach as long as I live.

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My own soul was much enlarged while enforcing Romans 10:15, 16; though the hearts of the audience appeared to be proof against the power of the word. Thus it is that the preaching of the gospel is too often as seed sown in stony ground: the hearers do not prepare their hearts by prayer and meditation, and the Almighty does not destroy their moral agency, to save them by irresistible grace; and therefore the word which was intended to be a “savour of life unto life,” proves, by their abuse of preventing grace, “a savour of death unto death.”

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I am still in possession of the inestimable pearl; Christ abides in me, the hope of glory.

“In the heavenly Lamb,

Thrice happy I am,

And my heart doth rejoice at the sound of his name.”

The congregation to-day at Kennard’s were dull and insensible, but in the class meeting at Gilbert Simmon’s we had a melting time.

DELAWARE

It was currently reported about this time that some of the British troops were so blocked up, that there was very little probability of their escape. And thus it is with the fallen spirits of mankind; having forfeited the favour and protection of their offended Creator, they are environed by the invisible, malignant angels, who kept not their first estate, desirous to involve the human race in their own condemnation and misery. But God, moved with compassion towards our helpless race, has made it possible that we may escape through the redemption that is in Jesus Christ. But O, melancholy thought! men are more inclined to listen to the voice of their enemies, than to the voice of their Divine Friend. Instead of putting on the whole armour of God, and resisting the devil that he may flee from them, they arm themselves against all the warnings of their gracious Creator, and resist the motions of his Holy Spirit, till they have filled up the measure of their iniquity, and have their portion appointed with devils and damned spirits. On Wednesday my soul was deeply exercised in seeking after more of the Divine nature. I long to be made perfect in love, to have all my heart wrapped up in Christ Jesus, to have my conversation in heaven, and to be completely prepared for every duty, and every suffering that may lie before me! We had a lecture in the evening at Thomas White’s, and the hearts of some were moved and melted by the power of God. I begin to think it is my duty to abide for a season in this state; and have great hopes that the Lord will pour out his Spirit, and favour us with a revival of pure and vital piety.

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I went into the Fork: and on the Lord’s day preached at Mr. W. Ross’s, and at Mr. Robert Layton’s. The congregations were attentive and affected; so that, although they are rude and unpolished, yet God is able, even of these unseemly stones, to raise up children unto Abraham. Being informed that Mrs. James Peterkin was dangerously ill, I rode about twenty miles to see her, arrived at the house about nine o’clock and found her confident and happy in the love of God—a miracle of saving grace. But the power and the glory of this and of every other good work, belongs unto the Lord.

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We had a large congregation, and the presence and power of God were with us, while I enforced, on a funeral occasion: “Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not, nor the years draw nigh when thou shalt say, I have no pleasure in them.”

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After proclaiming the great salvation at Jessup’s,¹ I rode back to visit Mrs. Peterkin again; and found her still happy in God, and patient under her affliction.

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Having been informed that some of the people were in danger of being led aside by impressions and dreams, and a weak-headed man having already drawn off a few simple souls, I thought it expedient to urge upon them Isaiah 8:20: “To the law and to the testimony: if they speak not according to this word, it is because there is no light in them.” While in theory, experience, and practice, we keep close to the written word of God, we are safe. And if an angel from heaven preach any other gospel, saith St. Paul, “Let him be accursed.” (Galatians 1:8.) Dreams may arise from various causes; and even diabolical impressions may sometimes resemble those made by the Spirit of God. And it is evident that all such impressions as have a tendency to effect divisions, to interrupt the peace of the Church, to draw us off from any revealed duty, or to make us contented in a lukewarm and careless state, cannot come from God, because they are contrary to the revealed dictates of the Holy Spirit—and the Spirit of truth cannot contradict itself. Therefore all impressions, dreams, visions, &c., should be brought to the standard of the Holy Scriptures, and if they do not perfectly correspond therewith, they should be rejected.

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At Mr. S.’s¹ there was an ignorant, hardened company, who had heard much preaching, but, I fear, to bad purpose. May the hammer of the word, in the hand of Omnipotent Mercy, break these rocks into pieces! In the evening I returned to Reynear Williams’; and was under painful exercises of soul the next day. Such views of my want of more of the Divine nature, and such a clear discovery of the wickedness and obstinacy of the people, were opened to my mind, that my spirit was brought down to the dust before the Lord, and my heart poured out streams of humble, earnest prayer. The words of the apostle are continually verified: “We must through much tribulation enter into the kingdom of God.” (Acts 14:22.) Such gracious discoveries as break up the great deep of the human heart, are painful, but profitable. Blessed be God, for illuminating, quickening, sanctifying, and strengthening grace!

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A sense of the Divine presence penetrated my soul, and I was deeply humbled before the Lord; but was at the same time in the furnace of temptations, and by all my prayers and efforts could not obtain deliverance from them. No doubt but it was then needful that I should be in heaviness through such manifold temptations. But the Lord knoweth how and when to deliver. On Friday my soul was in peace, and I felt willing to die, rather than ever yield to temptation and sin against my God.

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After preaching at Mr. Brown’s¹ in the Fork, I enforced Acts 13:40, 41, at Robert Layton’s, where many people were affected, and about twelve were taken as probationers into the society. On Monday, at Mr. Flower’s, I spoke with spiritual enlargement to a poor, ignorant congregation; and there were many persons much affected on Tuesday at Charles Twyford’s. It seemed as if the Lord was working on their willing hearts, to prepare them for his Church militant below, and for his Church triumphant above.

Though my body is feeble, and the weather is very warm, yet the Lord supports me, and makes my labours successful.

“How do thy mercies close me round!

Forever be thy Name adored;

I blush in all things to abound;

The servant is above his Lord.”

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After preaching at the widow Jump’s, I returned to Mr. White’s; and was visited by my old friends, William Lynch and William Moore.

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For several days past I was extremely ill with a vomiting, &c., and was frequently delirious. It was a very heavy season of affliction; but the Lord looked upon me in my trouble, and this day he granted me some relief. Glory be given to God! my fever was greatly abated.

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I am still unable to preach the glad tidings of salvation to my fellow-men. And my mind has been variously exercised through the past week: sometimes grieved at spending my time to so little purpose; at other times deeply engaged for more inward religion, and for more of God.

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Another week has passed without public labour, except one prayer meeting. But my soul has enjoyed a great degree of Divine peace and consolation. Especially on last Thursday, my soul was favoured with deep communion with God. How earnestly do I long for a more holy and a closer walk with God—to have every thought devoted to my blessed Jesus! I ventured to preach to-day on Hebrews 13:13, when my spirit was at liberty, and the people were affected.

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This was a day of peculiar temptations. My trials were such as I do not remember to have experienced before; and for some time it seemed as if I scarcely knew whether to fight or fly. My usefulness appeared to be cut off; I saw myself pent up in a corner; my body in a manner worn out; my English brethren gone, so that I had no one to consult; and every surrounding object and circumstance wore a gloomy aspect. Lord, must I thus pine away, and quench the light of Israel? No: though he slay me, yet will I trust him.

“Though in the paths of death I tread,

With gloomy horrors overspread,

My steadfast heart shall fear no ill,

For thou, O Lord, art with me still:

Thy friendly crook shall give me aid,

And guide me through the dreadful shade.”

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My body felt better, and my mind had rest. I could repose myself in Christ Jesus; and felt a lively hope that through all my difficulties the Lord will finally conduct me to eternal rest.

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While riding on the road, my soul was deeply affected with a powerful, solemn sense of a present and gracious God. What ecstatic sensations must be enjoyed in heaven, where a much deeper sense of the Divine presence is eternally enjoyed, without interruption or cessation! Well might St. Paul say, “To die is gain.” Here our communion with the Deity is but partial and very imperfect: we dwell in shells of infirmity— exposed to the assaults of wicked spirits, and surrounded with countless numbers of amusing, empty objects; by which means we are in continual danger of forgetting God, or of being too well satisfied without the fruition of him.

I called to see Mr. S., and his wife,¹ who was sick, and I introduced a conversation on the benefit of affliction, as a proper means to excite our consideration, and humble us for our past sins. But she began to say, Whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth; and seemed inclined to presume that she was in a state of acceptance. This I did not believe, and therefore broke off the conversation abruptly, and went to prayer. They were both extremely affected; and especially Mrs. S. The Lord had touched and broken her heart; so that her thoughts of herself and of the nature of religion were greatly changed; and I left her roaring and crying for mercy.

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There was a great melting in the congregation, and a pleasing prospect of a gracious work of God, while I attempted to describe the solemn grandeur of the judgment day, and the woeful end of the unregenerate, from 2 Thessalonians 1:7-10.

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My frame has been indisposed all this week, so that I am almost a stranger to the enjoyment of health for any length of time. I have been reading the life of Mr.——: but think it quite too pompous. The praise bestowed on him is too much to bestow on mortal dust. What is man, that such flowers should be strewed on his grave! May I ever be contented with the honour which cometh from God only! My soul at present is filled with his Holy Spirit; I have a glorious prospect of a boundless ocean of love, and immense degrees of holiness opening to my view; and now renew my covenant with the Lord, that I may glorify him with my body and spirit, which are his. Seven times a day do I bow my knees, to utter my complaints before him, and to implore an increase of his grace. But after all, and in the midst of all, I can feelingly say, I am an unprofitable servant. But though unworthy, utterly unworthy, I am blessed with the sweet gales of God’s love. Blessed breezes!—how they cheer and refresh my drooping soul! What the Lord has for me to do, I know not; but wait to know, and gladly to obey every dictate of his unerring pleasure.

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My soul was still happy in my God, and I am powerfully persuaded that I shall yet live to be more useful than ever in the Church of Christ.

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On my way to the Fork, I was in spiritual travail for the souls of the people; and there was some melting at Mr. W. Ross’s; but a much more powerful moving at Layton’s, while I discoursed on 2 Corinthians 5:11: “Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men; but we are made manifest to God, and I trust also, we are made manifest in your consciences.” I returned to my lodging, blessing and praising God that he had enabled me to deliver my own soul, and given me some cause to hope that my labour was not in vain.

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The malicious enemy of mankind still haunts, and powerfully tempts me; but my never-failing Friend makes me victorious. My soul is in constant search after more of God, and sweetly sinks deeper and deeper into the abyss of his fulness. I am much employed in the spirit and duty of prayer; but earnestly desire to be more so. My desire is that prayer should mix with every thought, with every wish, with every word, and with every action; that all might ascend as a holy, acceptable sacrifice to God.

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My heart was much devoted to Him who devoted himself to death for me. Peace and purity were my agreeable companions; and I saw the indispensable need of perpetual watching, and looking unto “Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith, who for the joy which was set before him, endured the cross, despised the shame, and is set down at the right hand of God.” Endured the cross!—despised the shame! And shall the disciple desire to be above his master? Shall I ever shun the cross?—or dread the shame? God forbid! For it is only on condition that we suffer with him, that we shall also reign with him. At Twyford’s to-day there was a gracious melting in the congregation; and the prospect of a good work on the hearts of many. I then rode to Mr. Freeny’s; and the untaught audience felt the weight of Divine truth. Mr. F. has been under religious impressions amongst the Nicholites, but suffers spiritual loss by the want of more fortitude.

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I preached a funeral sermon on Nanticoke river; and we had a very solemn season.

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I was greatly assisted in my public exercises, though my body was afflicted with a fever. After preaching twice, I rode to Mr. Thomas White’s, and enjoyed consolation in my soul; though at present there is but a small prospect of my being permitted to preach long in this land, with a clear conscience. But to defile the conscience, would be doing evil that good may come; which I look upon as a dangerous, yea, a diabolical sentiment—and therefore can never think of indulging it. My conscience must be kept void of offence towards God, as well as towards man. I am desirous to do what I can for the salvation of the immortal souls which inhabit America; but if Providence should permit men to prevent me, then I am clear, and must labour where the door is open.

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I found some religious feelings in the congregation at J. Gray’s; but dead, dead times at Robert Layton’s. And I was so unwell, as to be under the necessity of sitting down to teach the people. I returned very ill, and was unable to preach on the Lord’s day.

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My body has laboured under affliction all the week; and Satan has buffeted me with heavy temptations. I have been much tempted to impatience, and to say, Show wherefore thou contendest with me? But shall the clay complain in the hand of the potter? Lord, support me, and enable me to resist the devil, that he may flee from me! This was a very solemn day in the great congregation, and I felt unusual power in preaching on Acts 20:27. I left the people under the effects of what they had heard and felt; and then returned to Mr. White’s. Bless the Lord, O my soul; and all that is within me, praise his holy name!

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My indisposition still cleaveth to my shattered frame. But my spirit is for the most part pacific and calm, though much tempted. Lord, grant me patience and resignation, on all occasions; that while I am a living man, I may never complain!

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My soul was impressed with a deeper sense of the presence and purity of God. And I felt determined to be more circumspect and watchful in every part of my conduct. But what are all the resolutions of man without the grace of God! And will God withhold his grace, without any fault in us? By no means: He hath encouraged us to ask, by promising that we shall receive, if we do not ask amiss. Lord, help me to fulfil all my covenant engagements, that I may have respect to every precept of thy righteous law, and in all things do according to thy holy will. I spent part of this day in reading, but a fever and pains produced a restless night.

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I spoke with some animation at J. Gray’s, and most of the congregation felt the weight of Divine truths.

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I put the society in some order at Layton’s, turning out the disorderly members—which always are a weight and a curse to any religious community. St. Paul said to the Corinthians, (though alluding to only one disorderly person among them,) “Know ye not that a little leaven leaveneth the whole lump?” (1 Corinthians 5:6.) And the anger of the Lord was kindled against Israel, for the covetousness of Achan, who then dwelt among them. (Joshua 7:1.) And who can tell how often the Lord is displeased with his Church for the wickedness of some of its members? No doubt but this frequently checks the spiritual progress of the righteous; especially if ungodly members are known and not dealt with according to the Gospel. I spoke plainly and closely to the people, and there was some moving of the Holy Spirit amongst them. But alas! I am not yet so devout, spiritual, and heavenly, as I ought to be. Neither do I feel that burning love to God which I want to feel. What small returns do I make, after my late visitations of judgment and mercy! I may well say of myself, Ah! ungrateful wretch! May the Lord help me to be always mending!

Lord’s day, Nov. 1. After I had preached a funeral sermon, at which the hearts of many were powerfully wrought upon, I returned to Thomas White’s, making twenty miles in the whole, and lectured in the evening; and then lay me down and slept in peace.

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There was some melting among the people at Twyford’s, and a prospect of a work of grace. On Thursday I felt deep workings of heart, but was much taken up with God in prayer. I rode to Quantico,¹ and found no want of anything there, but religion. I then returned to Sussex, and found my spirit at liberty in preaching to those untaught people, who behaved with seriousness and attention.

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I rode to Thomas White’s; and cannot help esteeming his house as my temporary home; though I meet with more spiritual trials than in constant travelling. Lord, point out my way, and show what thou wouldst have me to do!

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I have spent this week in reading and private exercises; and have been much indisposed in my body. But, glory to God! I have been favoured with some access to his gracious presence, and felt strong desires to be abased as in the dust before him.

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This morning I felt very unwell, but ventured to set out for my appointment twenty miles off; and found both my body and mind strengthened far beyond my expectation.

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I preached to a few poor people at W. Richards’s, and then returned to my temporary home, in a much better state of health than when I went out. Thus is my life at present chequered: I come home, and grow sick, then go out and grow better; and return to meet affliction again. So the Lord is pleased to deal with me, to keep my spirit down. Father of mercies, let thy will be done! I am thine, and submit to be dealt with according to thy pleasure.

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My soul was much devoted to God. I spent part of the day in visiting the sick; and then returning, I preached in the evening, with much liberty, at Edward White’s.

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Having had much time on my hands, I have endeavoured to improve it by enriching my understanding with religious knowledge, and by frequent, earnest prayer to Almighty God, that he may enrich my heart with all the graces of his Holy Spirit. I have lately read through the first volume of Doddridge’s paraphrase,¹ and am now waiting for sufficient health, and a proper opportunity, to turn out and labour in the field, which is white for harvest. But alas! I cannot think that I grow in grace as I increase in knowledge. Come, dear Lord, come quickly into my panting soul, and by thy gracious beams transform my whole soul into thy Divine likeness, that I may shine in all the image of Christ Jesus!

Dr. Doddridge’s critical notes and improvements are excellent, instructive, and beautiful—well calculated for forming the minds of young preachers; to prevent wild and unwarrantable expositions, such as some are apt to give. He must have been a man of extensive reading and learning.

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Some souls were affected while I was preaching on 1 Corinthians 6:19, 20; and in class meeting the members of society were greatly quickened. But it is matter of lamentation to me, that I do not glorify God more perfectly. On Monday, I read Doddridge’s paraphrase, and admire his spirit, sense, and ingenuity; though I disagree with him, in respect to the unconditional perseverance of saints. That this doctrine has a pernicious influence on the conduct of many is beyond all doubt. And a man must live much above his principles, to be diligent and faithful, under the persuasion of such a stupifying and dangerous sentiment.

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My mind has lately been much taken up with God, and I have frequently struggled, and wrestled, and pleaded for more of the Divine nature.

“Bid me in thy image rise,

A saint, a creature new;

True, and merciful, and wise,

And pure, and happy too.

This thy primitive design,

That I should in thee be blest;

Should within the arms Divine,

Forever, ever rest.”

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I am much delighted in reading the second volume of Doddridge’s paraphrase, and am occupied with various exercises; and my soul enjoys sweet peace. But all this is not travelling and preaching at large, for the salvation of souls. Lord, when shall I return to my beloved employment; and be every day casting the Gospel net to bring souls to the expanded arms of the willing Saviour?

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We had a large audience, and a very solemn time, at Jessup’s. I then returned and lectured at Edward White’s.

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Under some groundless apprehensions, I set out for Somerset. My soul poured out abundant prayer by the way; and the Lord, by his providence, conducted me in safety.

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After my little excursion to Broad Creek,¹ and its adjacent parts, I returned; and notwithstanding all the foreboding apprehensions of my mind, no person offered me the smallest insult.

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My mind was kept in a calm serenity; but as I did not enjoy such deep communion with God as my soul was favoured with in the course of the last week, I was much abased in my own eyes. Though, upon the whole, my obligations to praise and magnify the Lord are very great; and may his grace preserve me from every degree of ingratitude!

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As brother Joseph Hartley is incapable of travelling, there seems to be a necessity for my going to Maxfield’s.¹ I have endeavoured, and do still endeavour to improve my time by prayer, meditation, and reading; but I cannot omit any opportunity of preaching, not knowing how soon my liberty or life may come to a final period. On Saturday I met the children and the black people, and found some gracious movings among them.

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With much freedom of spirit, I preached at Edward White’s, on these words, so applicable to thousands: “But they made light of it, and went their ways,—one to his farm, and another to his merchandize; and the remnant took his servants, and entreated them spitefully, and slew them.” The word, attended by the grace of God, wrought on the understandings of some, and on the affections of others.

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The Lord blessed me with sweet peace; though too much company interrupted my private meditations and study. It seems as if I must commit myself to Divine Providence, and go forth to declare the glad tidings of salvation to the children of men; lest others should follow my example of a partial silence without sufficient cause.

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I have ended the fourth volume of Mr. Doddridge’s paraphrase. He sets the apostle off to the greatest advantage, on the two Epistles to the Corinthians. My soul has been grievously exercised by temptations to impatience and discontent. With the greatest propriety St. Paul exhorted Timothy, to “war a good warfare.” A “warfare” indeed! How powerful and subtle our enemies! And it is very remarkable, that all the addresses to the seven churches of Asia, conclude with a promise to them that overcome. Lord, help me to stand in the evil day, fortified with faith, meekness, patience and love; that, conquering every foe, by thy Almighty aid, I may at last eat of the tree of life which is in the midst of the Paradise of God!

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I am not altogether what I wish to be, and am much tempted by Satan; nevertheless the Lord is my portion and my support. My labours are still in some measure circumscribed, so that I generally preach or exhort but about three times a week. Lord, let not my weakness, timidity, or unfaithfulness, provoke thee to lay me aside as a broken instrument, as fit for little or no service! But for twenty months before these troublesome times fully came, I foresaw the probability of them, and was much stirred up to rely upon God, and prepare for the worst. There is now an appointment for me to go to Kent, in Delaware, and my hope is, that the Lord will fortify and bless me in my labours.

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After preaching at Layton’s, I returned and lectured at Thomas White’s: and on Monday saw brother Wrenn,¹ who informed me of the prosperity of the work, which far exceeds my expectation. Although the labourers are driven from place to place, yet it seems the Lord will help us in his own way and time.

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My temptations yesterday were very heavy and troublesome; but to-day my soul overflowed with gratitude to God. I have lately observed the strong propensity in children to lie, and seen how the Lord kept me from that and many other abominations, from my early days. “In all my ways thy hand I own,

Thy ruling Providence I see;

Assist me still my course to run,

And still direct my paths to thee.”

My soul has been much quickened by reading the Memoirs of Mr. Doddridge, who was a man of great piety, and strict devotion to God. There is something peculiarly animating in the lives of holy men—for in their experience we see the veracity of God in fulfilling his gracious promises; and in their holy tempers and godly conduct, we see the possibility of complying with the precepts of the Gospel: therefore, in the perusal of such tracts, we feel an increasing appetite for more pure and undefiled religion.

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This being the day for commemorating the Saviour’s birth, I preached at Edward White’s with much inward freedom; though the audience were not greatly moved.

I have lately begun to read, for the first time, Mr. (James) Hervey’s celebrated Dialogues; and cannot but observe his laboured endeavours to establish the doctrine of “the imputed righteousness of Christ.” He seems to make it equal at least to the two grand commands of our Lord. And why not supersede them? But providence has brought forth that eminent man, Mr. John Fletcher, to manage this subject—whose language appears to be more natural, and less studied than Mr. Hervey’s, and yet in no respect inferior; and his arguments are incontestable, carrying their own conviction with them. But of this let the public judge.

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I intended to set out for my appointment in Kent, but a great snow prevented me.

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I have generally read of late about a hundred pages a day, in Hervey’s Dialogues, the Lives of Gilbert, Harper, Langston, Brainerd, &c.¹ But alas! how is my soul abased. It is my deliberate opinion, that I do the least good in the Church of Christ, of any that I know, and believe to be divinely moved to preach the Gospel. How am I displeased with myself! Lord, in mercy help, or I am undone indeed!

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