1774

My body has been indisposed for some days past; but the grace of God has rested on my soul, and I have been enabled to preach several times with freedom, power, and great boldness, the Lord being my helper. Feeling rather better to-day, I ventured to ride in a chaise ten miles to Mr. Lynch’s, where we had some agreeable, Christian conversation. Returned the next day, and continued unwell—sometimes being confined to my bed for a day together; yet I preached at other times to large congregations. It frequently appears as if almost the whole town would come together to hear the word of the Lord. Surely it will not be altogether in vain. The Lord giveth me great patience, and all things richly to enjoy, with many very kind friends, who pay great attention to me in my affliction. Amongst others, Mr. Benedict Swope, a preacher in high Dutch, came to see me. He appeared to be a good man, and I opened to him the plan of Methodism.

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Though this was the day for the return of my disorder, yet I felt much better. A blister under my ear has removed the pain in my head. A great sense of God rested on my heart, while meeting the class to-day. There is an apparent alteration in this family; and I must conclude the Lord directed my steps among them.

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My body is still weak, though on the recovery. Lord, if thou shouldst be pleased to raise me up, let it be to do more good! I desire to live only for this! Lord, I am thine, to serve thee forever, with soul and body, time and talents! O my God! now all I am and have is devoted to thee! Mercifully assist me, by thy grace, to persevere in all well-doing. Amen.

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While preaching in town this evening, two young men, in the midst of the sermon, came in, and broke the order of the meeting. On Monday, my heart felt an uncommon burden, on account of the inhabitants of this place. And sometimes I despair of ever doing them much good. But a constant sense of God resteth on my own soul.

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My mind is kept in peace, though my body is weak; so that I have not strength sufficient for travelling: nevertheless, I can read and think. O that it may be to the glory of Him, who, in his great wisdom, thinks proper to confine me! Lord, ever draw my heart after thee! May I see no beauty in any other object, nor desire anything but thee! My heart longs to be more extensively useful, but is, at the same time, filled with perfect resignation to God in all my affliction.

Therefore, I cannot choose for myself, but leave all to him. A young man, who disturbed the congregation on the evening of last Lord’s day, has seen it expedient to excuse his conduct, as almost the whole town thought him culpable. Thus doth God bring good out of evil, and make the fierceness of man turn to his praise.

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Great numbers of people attended while I preached on the parable of the prodigal son.

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This was a day of sweet peace. I held a private conference with William Moore and Captain Stone, who both appeared to be convinced of sin.

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Many people attended this evening, to hear an account of the rise, discipline, and practice of the Methodists; on which subject I enlarged with a warm exhortation, and had great liberty and satisfaction. If my labours should be in vain for the people, the Lord gives me a gracious reward in my own soul.

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My heart was fixed on God, and a great part of my time spent in reading. I also met a class, and received seven probationers into the society. May the Lord give them grace to stand!

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It appears that the people have a great desire to know the truth; for though it rained, and froze as it fell, yet a great many attended to hear. It was a very solemn time at night, while I discoursed on the awful day of judgment. Samuel Owings is tenderly affected for the salvation of his soul. And William Moore and Philip Rogers seem to be in earnest about this important matter. Glory to God for these things! Set out on Monday for our quarterly meeting, and met the preachers at brother Owings’s. They all appeared to have their hearts fixed on promoting the work of God for the ensuing quarter; and we consulted together with great freedom and love. On the first day I inquired into the moral character of the local preachers, appointed them their work, and gave them written licenses to officiate. The preachers who spoke at this meeting, manifested great earnestness and zeal for the salvation of souls; and many of the people were much affected; all was harmony and love. For the next quarter we had our stations as follows: Philip Ebert, Edward Dromgoole,¹ and Richard Owings, in Frederick circuit; brother Yearbry and brother Rollins in Kent circuit; Henry Watters and brother Webster in Baltimore circuit; and myself in Baltimore town. We appointed our next quarterly meeting to be held in Baltimore on the first of May next. Much fatigued in my feeble frame by various exercises, I returned to town, and visited Mrs. Moore, who was afflicted in body and distressed in mind.

Thursday, Feb. 3. Last night, while we were all below stairs, my bed took fire by some unknown means, though it stood three yards from the fireplace. We happily came up in due time, and finding the room full of smoke, we discovered the fire, and extinguished it. Surely there was a kind providence in this! This day I wrote a letter to Mr. Otterbein,² a German minister, relative to his settling in Baltimore town. Though the weather was very disagreeable, yet many attended at night to hear the word. God is still my chief object; and my desire is to glorify and serve him. On Saturday, Mr. Swope came to consult me in respect to Mr. Otterbein’s coming to this town. We agreed to promote his settling here; and laid a plan nearly similar to ours—to wit, that gifted persons amongst them, who may, at any time, be moved by the Holy Ghost to speak for God, should be encouraged; and if the Synod would not agree, they were still to persevere in this line of duty.

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We had a moving time at the Point; and after dining with Mr. Swope, the German minister, many people attended at Mrs. Triplett’s to hear me preach; but a company of men, who would wish to support the character of gentlemen, came drunk, and attempted an interruption: however Philip Rogers, once their intimate associate in sin, had courage enough to defend the cause of God: nevertheless, I thought it expedient to dismiss the congregation; and know not how this will end: but this I know, Satan and his emissaries are greatly displeased.

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According to appointment, I went to Elk Ridge, and was kindly received by Mr. John Worthington. I spent part of three days, labouring for the salvation of souls. In this place there are many wealthy and wicked people, destitute of all true religion. Numbers attended to hear the word, and some were affected. Lord, let it not be as the seed sown by the way-side! Returned to Baltimore on Wednesday, and the next day I advised the widow Triplett to seek redress of a magistrate, for the late riot made in her house. But they advised her to put up with it for this time. As Mr. William Moore offered the use of his house, I met the people there on Friday night, and found the disturbance had not diminished the congregation, but increased it. Thus Satan prepares a weapon to wound his own cause. After reading to the congregation part of the “Plain Account of the People called Methodists,”¹ I told them we were a united body, and as such would defend our own cause; that I had qualified myself according to the act of toleration² and had a legal right to preach the Gospel.

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Endeavoured to raise something by subscription, towards building a Methodist church; but as the whole lieth on my shoulders, I find the burden rather too heavy. However, God is my support, and my heart is with him.

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A lively sense of God rested on my soul, while preaching to a number of attentive people collected at William Lynch’s; and in meeting the class at night, I found the members steady.

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Returning to the Point, I received a melancholy account of a poor, abandoned wretch, who staggered into a brothel at night, and was found dead the next morning. He was found at the door of Mr. L., and there were reasons to suspect he was murdered. Thus we see the vengeance of God frequently overtakes impenitent sinners, even in this life. How awful the thought! that a soul, in such a condition, should be unexpectedly hurried to the judgment-seat of a righteous God! Let every poor drunkard take the warning; lest the next time he brutifies his immortal spirit, by depriving it of the proper use of its rational powers, it should be suddenly driven out of the reach of divine mercy. On my return to town at night, William Moore gave me a pleasing account of the unspeakable peace with which God had blest him. But, let him that most assuredly standeth, take heed lest he fall. The next evening, I finished reading the “Plain Account of the People called Methodists;” and then exhorted the congregation with much warmth of heart.

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While preaching at the house of Mr. Moore, his father and mother were moved by the word of God. But after lying down at night to rest, my heart was oppressed with inexpressible feelings for the inhabitants of Baltimore. I am pressed under them as a cart full of sheaves; and would rather be employed in the most servile offices, than preach to them, if it were not from a sense of duty to God, and a desire to be instrumental in saving their souls. If honour and worldly gain were held out as motives to this painful work, they would to me appear lighter than vanity. But, Lord, thou knowest my motives and my ends! O prosper thou the work of my heart and my hands!

LOVELY LANE MEETINGHOUSE

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This day was chiefly spent in reading and prayer. Peace, purity, and a spirit of warm devotion filled my heart, Glory to God, the author of all my blessings! The next day the congregation at the Point were but little affected; but at night the attention of the people in town was much struck, while I preached from Matthew 3:7.

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I rode eight miles and preached at Mr. Gatch’s. Rode afterward to Middle River,¹ and had the satisfaction of seeing our new house raised and covered in. An opposer of the truth has been lately and suddenly summoned, by the smallpox, to answer for his conduct at the bar of Almighty God. Rode to Nathan Perigau’s the next day, and found some whose hearts were tender. Stephen Watters gave me an account of the happy departure of his brother, John Watters, from this wicked and dangerous world. He had acted in the capacity of a steward among us; and was a serious, faithful man.

“Happy soul, who, free from harms,

Rests within his Saviour’s arms.”

Nathan Perigau rode in company with me to William Lynch’s where we spent the evening comfortably. After preaching a few times, I returned on Thursday to town, and was much pleased to hear of the success which William Moore had met with in raising a subscription of more than a hundred pounds for our building.² Thus doth the Lord give us favour in the sight of the people. Mr. Rogers took up two lots of ground for the purpose of building; and Mr. Moore seemed determined to prosecute the work at all events. Surely the Lord hath stirred up their minds to this pious enterprise, and will bless them therein. As my body has now gained a little strength, I am determined to rise early, and make the most of my precious time.

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I rose with a solemn sense of God on my heart; and had many to hear, both in town and at the Point.

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Several went with me to John Watters’ where we found a large company of people collected, who appeared both ignorant and proud. While attempting to preach to them from these words, “May we know what this new doctrine, whereof thou speakest, is?” my mind was oppressed above measure; so that both my heart and my mouth were almost shut: and after I had done, my spirit was greatly troubled. O my soul! if confined to the society of the wicked, what couldst thou find but vexation and grief? But, “where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.” Having frequently sixteen or twenty miles to ride, and then to preach before dinner, which is often as late as four o’clock, it shakes my constitution, and is painful to the flesh. But I cheerfully submit to these things for the sake of precious souls. What did the blessed Jesus suffer for me! The next day, a champion in sin, a man who had been a famous ringleader in absurd and diabolical sports, was deeply wounded by the Spirit of God, while, in the course of my sermon, I was describing the horrible torments to which those would be exposed in hell, who had been instruments in the hands of Satan, to train up others in sin and disobedience. He afterward invited me home; and we had some serious conversation. I then returned to Baltimore.

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I was closely employed all this day, and enjoyed peace in my soul. But O! how does my spirit pant for more of God! The next morning my mind was somewhat dejected by the weight of my strong desires for more pure and undefiled religion. In reading the works of Mr. Brandon,¹ especially his meditations, my heart was greatly melted. Through grace, I feel a fixed determination to live more than ever to the glory of God. On the Lord’s day, I laboured for my Master, both in the town and at the Point. Set off the next morning for Gunpowder Neck; and on Tuesday, preached at the funeral of W.P., who had waited for the consolation of Israel, and departed in peace, triumphantly declaring, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.” Here we have a lively and steady class. O that they may remain so! The next day, many people attended while I preached at the funeral of I.M., who also died in the Lord. My text was, “Blessed and holy is he that hath part in the first resurrection.” The power of the Lord was present, and it was a melting time. The Spirit of God was present with us also at the upper ferry,² while I preached to a large congregation from Psalm 126:3: “The Lord hath done great things for us, whereof we are glad.” Honest, simple Daniel Ruff has been made a great blessing to these people. Such is the wisdom and power of God, that he hath wrought marvellously by this plain man, that no flesh may glory in his presence.

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On my way to Joseph Presbury’s my horse tired, and fell down with me on his back; but I was not in the least hurt. Calling at Dr. Henderson’s, I met with I.R., a Quaker, who said it gave him pain to think that Joseph Pilmoor should go home for ordination, and expressed his disapprobation of our going to the Church for the ordinances, supposing we might have them amongst ourselves. But this was all a farce. He would rather that we should drop them altogether. And in the course of conversation, he laboured to overthrow them entirely. But when I told him it might appear to me as a duty to use them, though I should not suppose that all went to hell who did not use them; he asked, why we use them if they are not essential to salvation? What weak reasoning is this! Do they think laying them aside is thus essential, or wearing their clothes in such a shape, or using (as they call it) the plain language? Why then do they follow these practices? But what makes them so contracted and bitter in their spirit as some of them are? There is One that knoweth. After preaching the next day at Brother Presbury’s, and having the pleasure to find that the society there had increased both in number and grace, I then returned to Baltimore, and, though much fatigued, spoke at Baltimore in the evening.

Blessed be God! Samuel Owings seems determined to give up all for Christ. And the little society in town are still pressing on. The Lord has been the keeper of my soul in this journey; my peace has been great, and my intention pure.

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Set out to-day with some agreeable company, for Mr. Worthington’s; and though it rained, a small congregation attended; but they discovered very little sensibility in the things of God. My frame seems lately much affected by nervous disorders. But let the will of the Lord be done! After feeling much dejection of mind, and preaching on Tuesday at the house of Joshua Owings, on Wednesday I visited Joseph Cromwell, a very stiff, old Churchman. But as his parson, Mr. Edmiston, disagreed with him in the doctrine of predestination, he was much displeased with him, and willing to receive us. I preached at his house in the day with some freedom, and expounded at night. May the Lord apply the word to their conviction and conversion!

Returned on Thursday to Baltimore, and was favoured with liberty and power, while preaching to a considerable congregation at night.

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The Lord blessed my soul with sweet peace in the day, and with the aid of his Holy Spirit in preaching at night. My heart is with God. The Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song: He also is become my salvation.

Satan assaulted me powerfully with his temptations on Monday; but by calling on the name of the Lord, I was delivered. How faithful and gracious is God! He will not suffer his people to be tempted above that they are able to bear; but will with the temptation make a way to escape. Precious truth! Sometimes we are tempted to the uttermost of our strength, but never beyond it. We always stand, at least, on equal ground with Satan: and by faith in Christ we may be more than conquerors.

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I rode a few miles into the (Garrison) Forest, and preached at Mr. E——’s. The people were much quickened; and there were great appearances of real good.

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At the house of William Lynch I preached a funeral sermon on the death of his brother Joshua. Many of his friends and neighbours were present. It was a very solemn, awful, warning season. May the people retain the impressions they then received, and be found prepared for their own departure! The next day I rode to meet Mr. Webb, but took cold, as the weather was severe, and found myself much indisposed. Mr. Webb preached an animating discourse from Revelation 6:17. There is a great probability that his coming will be made a particular blessing to many.

Being much indisposed on Friday, Mr. Webb preached to a large congregation. There is something very singular in his manner; nevertheless the Lord owns and blesses his labours. Though I continued very unwell the next day, I went to church,¹ and heard Mr. Thomas Chase deliver a good discourse on retirement and private devotion; and afterward I attempted to preach at the Point, but found myself much worse at my return to town. My indisposition and weakness of body have so pressed me down for some time past, that I do not expect to abide long in this world of danger and trouble; neither do I desire it. But, come life or come death, let the will of the Lord be done! After the physicians have given over I—I—and thought they could do him no more service, we had recourse to that old-fashioned remedy, prayer; and had reason to believe the Lord in mercy heard us.

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My illness has been so severe that I have preached but little for some days past; but felt myself rather better to-day. As Captain Webb had appointed to preach at Mr. W——’s, and was accidentally prevented, lest the people should be disappointed, I ventured to go in his stead. But after preaching was taken very ill, and obliged to go immediately to bed.

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Though still very unwell, I attempted to preach. How difficult it is for a man who longs for the salvation of souls to be silent! Gratitude urges me to acknowledge the providence of God, and the kindness of my friends. The people who have had the chief trouble with me in my late afflictions, have shown remarkable care, tenderness, and concern. May the Lord reward their work and labour of love!

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My indisposition has been so great this week, that I have been incapable of all public exercises. Severe chills and burning fevers have been my portion both day and night. O that I may wisely and diligently improve these seasons of affliction! When shall I be all glorious within? My soul longs for the complete image and full enjoyment of God. Satan too often takes the advantage of my constitution, and betrays me into such a degree of cheerfulness as has, at least, the appearance of levity. But my prevailing and earnest desire is, to live and act as in the immediate presence of a holy and glorious God. Lord, make me more serious, watchful, and holy!

Ventured on Thursday to ride in a carriage twelve miles to town; but was very ill most of the night. On Saturday Captain Webb intended to have sailed in the packet; but when he saw the entertainment he was to have, he returned to abide with us for a short season. In great weakness of body, I met the congregation this evening, without any intention to preach; but seeing a great number of people collected, my spirit was moved within me, and I thought it my duty to exert what little strength I had, and preach to the people. But I was indisposed and confined all the next day. However, Captain Webb supplied my place.

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I was somewhat better. But I find myself assaulted by Satan as well in sickness as in health, in weakness as in strength. Lord, help me to urge my way through all, and fill me with humble, holy love, that I may be faithful until death, and lay hold on eternal life. On Tuesday I ventured to go as far as Mr. Lynch’s, and my soul was kept in peace: though the next day my spiritual adversary assaulted me in a soft and artful way; but the Lord delivered me. May he ever grant me grace to confide in him, and devote my body and soul entirely to his service!

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Rode back to town, and was enabled to preach with freedom and comfort, from the case of Naaman, the leper. My heart is much drawn out after God, with a determination to be more devoted to him, and more fervent in prayer.

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Both yesterday and to-day my soul enjoyed more peace and more love. May these graces never be interrupted! A great number attended at the Point, while I enforced these awakening words, “O earth, earth, earth, hear the word of the Lord!” After meeting the class of young men, I returned and spoke in town from Proverbs 24:30. Was much fatigued, but desire to be thankful to God that I am gathering some strength for duty. We have reason to think the spirits of hartshorn have been serviceable in my disorder.

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My soul was in peace, but my body weak. This day the foundation of our house in Baltimore was laid.¹ Who could have expected that two men, once amongst the chief of sinners, would ever have thus engaged in so great an undertaking for the cause of the blessed Jesus? This is the Lord’s doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes. He hath touched and changed their hearts. He hath moved them to this acceptable undertaking; and he will surely complete it; and raise up a people to serve him in this place.

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My soul was in a comfortable frame; but I did not employ all my time in so useful a manner as I might have done. This was partly owing to my bodily weakness. But in class meeting this evening, we had a happy and blessed time indeed. Hitherto the Lord hath helped. So my labour hath not been in vain.

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Poor Mr. B. arrived here to-day from England. In great distress he applied to me for a little money. And is it come to this! Ah! what will be the end of those that forsake God, for wealth, a wife, or anything else? O my soul, keep these things always in remembrance as a perpetual caution. And may the Lord keep me ever humble, and dead to all created good! I read the rules, and met the society in the evening; and it was a melting, happy time.

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My heart was fixed on God, and kept in peace. I was able to walk some distance to-day, and believe the Lord is about to restore me to health. May it be to serve Him, and Him only!

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Though weak in body, I have been able for a few days past to go through my public exercises; and was both instructed and delighted to-day in reading the Revelation with its comment. There we see the rise and spread of the Christian religion through the extensive and idolatrous empire of the Romans; the wars of the Saracens; the gradual rise and artful progress of Popery. What an amazing prophetic history is this, of all people and nations, in epitome! How expressive are the differently-coloured horses, and surprising representations seen by St. John! In this book, extraordinary events are foretold, as well as the proper rule of our faith and practice revealed. If this deep book were fully understood, need we go any farther after knowledge?

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The Lord favoured me yesterday with liberty in preaching to large companies both in town and Point. And this day my soul experienced a sweet mixture of peace, and joy, and grief. We had a very comfortable time at the class in the evening.

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We were all quickened by the grace of God in class meeting last night. Blessed be God! Calm serenity fills my mind; and my body recovers a little strength.

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What a miracle of grace am I! How unworthy, and yet how abundantly blest! In the midst of all temptations, both from without and from within, my heart trusteth in the Lord. I was greatly delighted to-day in reading Dr. John Guyse on the Reign of Christ, which on earth will be spiritual, and in glory personal and eternal. O the beauties and joys of which I have some prospect in that celestial world! It seems rather strange that, till lately, I could discover no beauties in the Revelation of St. John. But now I think it is the grand key of all mysteries, whether pure or impure; opening to view all the revolutions, persecutions, and errors of the Church from that time till the end of the world. And then it favours us with a glimpse of what shall remain forever. In preaching to-night from these words, “Bodily exercise profiteth little, but godliness is profitable unto all things;” I took occasion to show,

I. That bodily exercise, or what is called religious actions, cannot change a sinful heart, or purchase love.

II. Wherein godliness consisteth; namely, In repentance, faith, love to God and man, meekness, resignation, chastity, and the pure, spiritual worship of God.

III. Wherein this is profitable; namely, In all states, in all commerce, in the felicity of the possessor, in the general benefit of others, and finally in eternal glory. My mind has been grieved by some who have spoken evil of ministers. But I must be sure to take care of my own soul; that is more to me than all the world, and all the men in it. And blessed be God! he fills me with peace and purity. Lord, grant that this may be my portion, increasing forever!

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Preached twice and met two classes. In the morning, at the Point, I had some feeling; but found myself rather shut up at night in town.

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My soul loveth the Lord God! What a great and blessed portion is he for worthless man! This evening was spent in company with two German ministers who are very friendly, and intend to be present at our quarterly meeting to-morrow.

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Our quarterly meeting began.¹ I preached in the morning; and in the afternoon we settled our temporal business, with great order and much love. When inquiry was made relative to the conduct of the preachers, there were some complaints of a few, who had been remiss in meeting the societies, and catechising the children. The next day several of us spoke in public, and then we parted in peace. Had a friendly intercourse with Mr. Otterbein and Mr. Swope, the German ministers, respecting the plan of Church discipline on which they intended to proceed. They agreed to imitate our methods as nearly as possible.

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I preached from Matthew 12:50; but felt my mind dejected. Not meeting with success in this town as my soul ardently longs for, I rather feel a desire to depart, and to try some other people. But let the will of the Lord be done. My heart has been deeply affected by reading the Life of Col. Gardiner.¹ Blessed be God for so many who experience the same work of grace which we preach, and at the same time are not of us! This is a great confirmation of the work of God. And “whosoever doeth the will of my Father who is in heaven,” of every denomination, “the same shall be my brother, and sister, and mother.”

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My soul longeth for God. My heart and my flesh cry out for him. O that I were wholly devoted to my God!

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Several appeared to feel something of the power which attended the word, both at the Point and in town. On Monday my soul was in peace, and God was the object of my love. Mr. Chase attended our class meeting, and expressed his approbation. The Lord was with us, and we were greatly blessed. Mr. W.¹ arrived to-day from Virginia. He gave us a circumstantial account of the work of God in those parts. One house of worship is built, and another in contemplation; two or three more preachers are gone out upon the itinerant plan; and in some parts the congregations consist of two or three thousand people. But some evil-minded persons have opposed the act of toleration, and threatened to imprison him. May the Lord turn their hearts, and make them partakers of his great salvation!

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I went to Mr. Lynch’s, and preached to a large congregation; then called at Nathan Perigau’s, and preached a funeral sermon on the death of his sister, who was once happy in religion. Returned to town on Thursday, and preached with freedom to an attentive audience.

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I packed up my clothes and books to be ready for my departure; and had an agreeable conversation with Mr. Otterbein, The next day some of my friends were so unguarded and imprudent as to commend me to my face. Satan, ready for every advantage, seized the opportunity and assaulted me with self-pleasing, self-exalting ideas, But the Lord enabled me to discover the danger, and the snare was broken. May he ever keep me humble, and little, and mean, in my own eyes!

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About to take my leave for a season, I went to the Point, and enlarged on these words, “I am afraid of you, lest I have bestowed upon you labour in vain;” and trust some felt at last the worth and weight of divine truths. My subject at night in town was this: “I take you to record this day, that I am pure from the blood of all men.” In preaching from these words my mind was under some embarrassment. Perhaps my foolish heart desired to end with honour, and the Lord in mercy prevented it. May I ever be contented with that honour which cometh from God only!

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When the time of parting came, I felt some unwillingness to leave my kind and valuable friends: however, I took horse and rode sixteen miles to Mr. Giles’s, where a large company attended to hear the word. Many were also present at Mr. Colgate’s. In examining the leaders, I found them steady; but refused to give a license to an exhorter, who had been too unwatchful. After a long prejudice, Mr. Jacob Giles invited me to his house, and treated me kindly. In preaching at Mr. Bond’s, my heart was troubled within me for the dullness and unbelief of the people.

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Rode to Susquehanna River and many of the leading men were present, with a large congregation. Simple Daniel Ruff has been an instrument of real and great good to the people in these parts.

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I am happy in God after all my labours. But when amongst my friends, my mind inclines to a degree of cheerfulness bordering on levity. O for more watchfulness!—a more constant, striking sense of an omnipresent God! Preached to-day in the market house at Charlestown.¹ The congregation was somewhat large, and many of them very attentive. The company was large at Bohemia Manor on Friday, and my own heart was deeply affected, and much drawn out while speaking from Revelation 3:3. At Newcastle (Delaware) on Saturday, Satan was there, diverting the people by a play. However, several came to hear me enforce these words, “Be not ye partakers with them.”

PENNSYLVANIA

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After preaching yesterday at Newport and Red Clay Creek,¹ I rode to-day to Chester; and though weary, spoke from Galatians 6:14. Here my old friends, Mr. Mann² and Mr. Sause, from New York, met me; and the next day we rode to Philadelphia. Hitherto the Lord hath helped.

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Our conference began. The overbearing spirit of a certain person had excited my fears. My judgment was stubbornly opposed for a while, and at last submitted to. But it is my duty to bear all things with a meek and patient spirit. Our conference was attended with great power; and, all things considered, with great harmony. We agreed to send Mr. Richard Wright to England; and all acquiesced in the future stations of the preachers. My lot was to go to New York. My body and mind have been much fatigued during the time of this conference. And if I were not deeply conscious of the truth and goodness of the cause in which I am engaged, I should by no means stay here. Lord, what a world is this! yea, what a religious world! O keep my heart pure, and my garments unspotted from the world! Our conference ended on Friday with a comfortable intercession.

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This was a day of peace, and the Lord favoured me with faith and energy while preaching to the people. I visited Mr. Wright, who is going to England; but found he had no taste for spiritual subjects. Lord, keep me from all superfluity of dress, and from preaching empty stuff to please the ear, instead of changing the heart! Thus has he fulfilled as a hireling his day. We had a very solemn love feast to day. NEW YORK

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My friends and I set off in the stage for New York,¹ where we arrived on Tuesday evening about eight o’clock. We had some trifling company on the way, who talked much but to little purpose. My old friends in New York were glad to see me. But I still fear there is a root of prejudice remaining in the hearts of a few.² May the Lord prepare me for all events, that I may act and suffer, in all things, like a Christian! Captain Webb³ preached a good sermon in the evening.

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Considering my bodily weakness, and the great fatigue through which I have gone, it seems wonderful that my frame should support it, and be still so capable of duty. My mind is also kept in peace. My heart was much drawn out both towards God and the people, while preaching this evening from Samuel 7:12. But too much of the old spirit is still discoverable in my few prejudiced friends. Mr. Chave,¹ not contented with his unkind and abusive letter, is still exerting all his unfriendly force. I feel myself aggrieved; but patiently commit my cause to God. Therefore their contention may subsist among themselves. I shall not contend with them.

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In the public exercise of the evening, my heart was warmed with affection for the people. And except a very small number of dissatisfied, restless spirits, the hearts of the people are generously opened towards me. My heart is still fixed on God; and determined through grace, both to serve him, and promote the prosperity of his cause.

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Christ is precious to my believing heart. Blessed be God for this! it is infinitely more to me than the favour of all mankind, and the possession of all the earth. The next day my soul was also sweetly drawn out in love to God; and found great freedom and happiness in meeting the leaders and the bands.¹ I told them that the Spirit and providence of God would certainly assist in purging the society; that the time would come, when such as were insincere and half-hearted would have no place among us.

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Attended the old church,¹ as usual, but clearly saw where the Gospel ministry was. The Spirit of grace mercifully assisted me in the public duties of this day. On Monday, I preached with great plainness and power in the Meadows;² but while preaching on Tuesday evening, my ideas left me, though I felt myself spirited in addressing the people by way of exhortation.

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The fire of divine love glowed in my heart. My soul was in peace. My affections were pure, and withdrawn from earthly objects. But I fear, lest self-complacency should have any place in me. May the Lord keep me in the spirit of humility, prayer, and loving zeal!

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While reading a sermon of Mr. Brandon’s on “Quench not the Spirit,” in company with a few friends, both they and I were much quickened. Blessed be God! My soul is kept in peace, and power, and love. Had great liberty this evening in pointing out the causes, why we have not more of the spirit of devotion; of neglect or dullness in prayer; of too much heart-attention to the world; of the want of more faith in the realities of eternity, and the promises of God; of not looking more earnestly to God in humble expectation of receiving his grace, &c.

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Both my body and mind are weak. As Mr. Ritzman¹ was thought by many to be a great preacher, I went in the afternoon to hear him. He was very stiff and studied in his composition, and dwelt much on their favourite doctrine of imputed righteousness. He appeared to have very little liberty, except in a short application. With great enlargement of heart, I spoke in the evening from these words, “If they hear not Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded though one rose from the dead.” In meeting the society at night, I spoke plainly of some who neglected their bands and classes; and informed them that we took people into our societies that we might help them to become entire Christians, and if they wilfully neglected those meetings, they thereby withdrew themselves from our care and assistance. The next day many people attended the preaching at the Meadows.

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My heart seems wholly devoted to God, and he favours me with power over all outward and inward sin. My affections appear to be quite weaned from all terrestrial objects. Some people, if they felt as I feel at present, would perhaps conclude they were saved from all indwelling sin. O my God, save me and keep me every moment of my life! The next day my soul was under heavy exercises, and much troubled by manifold temptations; but still, all my care was cast on the Lord. I find it hurtful to pore too much on myself. True, I should be daily employed in the duty of self-examination, and strictly attend both to my internal and external conduct; but, at the same time, my soul should steadily fix the eye of faith on the blessed Jesus, my Mediator and Advocate at the right hand of the eternal Father. Lord, cause thy face to shine upon me; and make me always joyful in thy salvation.

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My soul was more and more delighted in God. I felt myself uneasy to-day on account of riding out,¹ though I was conscious it was intended for my health. Yet to some it might have the appearance of pleasuring, and encourage them to seek their carnal pleasure in such things.

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The Lord was my helper; and my mind was in peace.

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This was a blessed and delightful day to my soul. The grace of God was eminently with me in all my public duties. Heard Mr. E. Charles English at St. Paul’s church preach from these words, “Put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.’’ He spoke well on man’s fallen state, and the new creation; and brought good reasons to prove that we must be renewed in order to dwell with God. But he did not insist on the necessity of repentance and faith in order to obtain this change.

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Mr. Richard Sause, Mr. Charles White, and Mr. Thomas Tucker¹ bore me company as far as Kingsbridge, on my way to New Rochelle. Was much indisposed when I reached the house of my friend Mr. Frederick Deveau; nevertheless, thought it my duty to preach to the people. The Lord is doing something for several souls in this place. Though they have had but very few sermons for twelve months, yet the class is lively and engaged with God.²

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After preaching as often as I could to many people who attended at New Rochelle,¹ I set off for New York, and was met at Kingsbridge by Mr. Sause and Mr. Jarvis. But on my arrival in the city I found myself very unwell, and had a painful, restless night.

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Found myself better; and was much refreshed by letters from Mr. Lindsay and Mr. Shadford,¹ in Maryland. But one of these letters informed me that Mr. Strawbridge² was very officious in administering the ordinances. What strange infatuation attends that man! Why will he run before Providence?

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My fever was very high last evening, so I took an emetic this morning. I found liberty in my own soul, and great meltings amongst the people, while preaching on the Lord’s day. Though my disorder has a tendency to oppress my spirits, yet, blessed be God! I am favoured with power to conquer every spiritual foe; and my heart is sometimes wonderfully raised, as on the wings of faith and love.

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Richard Sause, who accompanied me a few miles into the country to-day, was very near being drowned. He went into a stream of water to wash his horse and chaise, but accidentally got out of the horse’s depth, and they must all have been unavoidably lost, had not two men swam in and dragged them to the shore. Thus the Lord preserveth both man and beast. I went to bed this evening in much pain, and had an uncomfortable night.

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Many of my good friends kindly visited me to-day; and in the afternoon I took another emetic. My heart is fixed on God, as the best of objects, but pants for more vigour, and a permanent, solemn sense of God. Rose the next morning at five, though very weak, and spent a great part of the day in reading and writing. Many people attended the public worship in the evening, though I was but just able to give them a few words of exhortation. Seeing the people so desirous to hear now I am unable to say much to them, Satan tempts me to murmuring and discontent. May the Lord fill me with perfect resignation!

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My body was very weak and sweated exceedingly. If I am the Lord’s, why am I thus? But in his word he hath told me, “If I be without chastisement, then am I a bastard and not a son.” O that this affliction may work in me the peaceable fruits of internal and universal righteousness! An attempt to speak a little in exhortation this evening greatly augmented my disorder.

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In prayer to-day with I.B.,¹ a soldier in the 23d regiment, the Lord greatly refreshed and strengthened my soul. My mind was strongly impressed with a persuasion, that God, through mercy, would restore me to health. If so, I am determined, by his assistance, to be more than ever intent on promoting his cause and his glory. Gave an exhortation at night, and met the leaders: but the next day I was much indisposed; nevertheless, I spent part of my time in reading the afflicted condition of the Waldenses, when so wickedly persecuted by the Dominicans, with the rise of those brutish men.

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Poor Mr. H. came to me in great distress. He is a native of Stowbridge, where, as he supposes, he has a wife now living; and he has been so unwatchful as to suffer his affections to stray. May the Lord deliver him out of this dangerous snare of Satan! If not, he may be undone. I spoke with freedom this morning from Job 10:2, and spent part of the day in reading of the holy war which was carried on against the Waldenses and Albigenses, by the devil, the pope, and their emissaries. Though my body is still weak, my soul is strong in the Lord, and joyful in his salvation. And at night I was able to preach with spirit, and found myself happy in addressing a large and attentive audience.

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I spent part of this day in visiting a few friends, and found my heart much united to I.S., a musician of the 23d regiment. Was much better to-night than I had been for some time, and enjoyed a good night’s rest.

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In reading the Life of Calvin, it appeared that many, in his day, had opposed the doctrine of predestination; and all who opposed it were spoken of by him and his followers, as bad men. My fever returned this evening, and it was a painful, restless night. But the will of the Lord be done! Though he slay me, yet will I trust him! Found very great lassitude of body the next day also; but my soul hungered and thirsted for more of God. In reading Clark’s Life of Origen, I felt a strong desire to imitate that great and good man, as far as he went right.

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My disorder was much abated, and I had power to speak plainly and pointedly to both saints and sinners.

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My bodily weakness has been such, for a few days past, as to prevent my officiating much in public; however, I ventured to preach twice to-day, but in the evening was so weak that I could scarce stand in the pulpit: but while preaching on the parable of the prodigal son, the Lord greatly refreshed and strengthened me; though I went to bed very ill at night. Satan tempted me to-day to think much of my gifts. Alas! what poor creatures we are; and to what dangers we are exposed! What are all our gifts, unless they answer some good purpose? Unless properly improved, they neither make us holier nor happier. We have nothing but what we have received; and unless we are humble in the possession of them, they only make us more like devils, and more fit for hell. How wonderfully is the language and behaviour of Mr. Lupton changed towards me! Before, I was everything that was bad; but now, all is very good. This is a mistake: my doctrine and preaching are the same; and so is my manner. But such is the deceitfulness of the man. His favourite, Mr.——, is now gone.¹ Had I preached like an archangel it would have been to no purpose, while I thought it my duty to oppose him.

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My soul is not so intensely devoted to God as I would have it; though my desires for more spirituality are very strong. Lord, when shall my poor heart be as a rising, active, holy flame? Blessed be God! my illness is more moderate to-day than it has been for some days past. On Wednesday, a letter from Samuel Owings¹ informed me that the house in Baltimore was then ready to be enclosed,² He also expressed a great desire to persevere. May the Lord give him grace so to do!

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My mind is in peace. I have now been sick near ten months, and many days closely confined; yet I have preached about three hundred times, and rode near two thousand miles in that time; though very frequently in a high fever. Here is no ease, worldly profit, or honour. What, then, but the desire of pleasing God and serving souls, could stimulate to such laborious and painful duties? O that my labour may not be in vain! that the Lord may give me to see fruit of these weak, but earnest endeavours, many days hence! After preaching this evening with some warmth of heart, I was very close and pointed in meeting the society.

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My heart was much taken up with God. Letters from my dear friends, Mr. James Foster¹ and Mr. Thomas Rankin, gave me great satisfaction. In meeting the band society, I showed them the possibility of using all the means, and, without sincerity and spirituality, they might still be destitute of true religion.

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The Lord assisted me in yesterday’s duties; and he is the keeper and comforter of my soul to-day. A poor, unhappy young woman, who had abandoned herself to the devil and wicked men, being at the point of death, and expecting to go shortly and render an account of herself to God, sent for me to visit her. I felt some reluctance; but considering the danger her soul was in, thought it my duty to go. She was very attentive while I spoke plainly to her, and made prayer to God in her behalf. Strange infatuation! that men will not seriously think of preparing for death, till it comes upon them! If we were sure of dying in a few hours, most men would think it their duty to labour for a preparation: but when no man is sure of living a few hours, very few think seriously about it. So does the god of this world blind the minds of mankind!

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My heart enjoys great freedom, with much peace and love both towards God and man. Lord, ever keep me from all sin, and increase the graces of thy Holy Spirit in my soul! A letter from Mr. Thomas Rankin brought melancholy tidings of Abraham Whitworth. Alas for that man! He has been useful, but was puffed up, and so fell into the snare of the devil. My heart pitied him: but I fear he died a backslider.¹

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Ended the parable of the prodigal son. Does it not appear from this parable, that some, who, comparatively speaking, have all their lifetime endeavoured to please God, and are entitled to all his purchased, communicative blessings, are nevertheless not favoured with such rapturous sensations of divine joy as some others. I remember when I was a small boy and went to school, I had serious thoughts, and a particular sense of the being of a God; and greatly feared both an oath and a lie. At twelve years of age the Spirit of God strove frequently and powerfully with me: but being deprived of proper means and exposed to bad company, no effectual impressions were left on my mind. And, though fond of what some call innocent diversions, I abhorred fighting and quarrelling: when anything of this sort happened, I always went home displeased. But I have been much grieved to think that so many Sabbaths were idly spent, which might have been better improved. However, wicked as my companions were, and fond as I was of play, I never imbibed their vices. When between thirteen and fourteen years of age, the Lord graciously visited my soul again. I then found myself more inclined to obey; and carefully attended preaching in West Bromwich; so that I heard Stillingfleet,¹ Bagnel,² Ryland,³ Anderson,⁴ Mansfield,⁵ and Talbott,⁶ men who preached the truth. I then began to watch over my inward and outward conduct; and having a desire to hear the Methodists, I went to Wednesbury,⁷ and heard Mr. Fletcher⁸ and Mr. Ingham,⁹ but did not understand them, though one of their subjects is fresh in my memory to this day. This was the first of my hearing the Methodists. After that, another person went with me to hear them again:¹⁰ the text was, “The time will come, when they will not endure sound doctrine.” My companion was cut to the heart, but I was unmoved. The next year Mr. Mather¹¹ came into those parts. I was then about fifteen; and, young as I was, the word of God soon made deep impressions on my heart, which brought me to Jesus Christ, who graciously justified my guilty soul through faith in his precious blood; and soon showed me the excellency and necessity of holiness. About sixteen I experienced a marvellous display of the grace of God, which some might think was full sanctification, and was indeed very happy, though in an ungodly family. At about seventeen I began to hold some public meetings; and between seventeen and eighteen began to exhort and preach. When about twenty-one I went through Staffordshire and Gloucestershire, in the place of a travelling preacher; and the next year through Bedfordshire, Sussex, &c. In 1769 I was appointed assistant in Northamptonshire; and the next year travelled in Wiltshire. September 3, 1771, I embarked for America, and for my own private satisfaction, began to keep an imperfect journal.

To-day Dr. Ogilvie preached a pertinent discourse on the shortness of time. The Lord favoured me with great liberty in the evening, while preaching to a large congregation from Genesis 19:17. And I was enabled to speak plainly and closely in meeting the society at night.

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My soul is in peace. But I long to be more spiritual—to be wholly devoted to God. Some circumstances make me fear that we have a few bad characters in the society here. These are the people that injure the cause of God. Like Judas, they betray the Lord with a kiss. It is not easy to conceive how such characters counteract the most faithful preaching. If their conduct is not fully known to the preachers, it is so known to many of their acquaintances, that Satan takes the offered advantage, and hardens the hearts of many against all the power of religion. Of all characters, that of a designing sinner under the fair appearance of religion, is the most odious. O that the Lord may strip all such unsound professors, in every place, of their covering, and show them to his servants in their own proper colours; that Israel may be able to put away the accursed thing from among them; and so increase both in strength and number!

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I rose early this morning to see my Christian brethren, the soldiers, go off; but was much affected at parting with those worthy men, I.S. and I.B.¹ May the Lord go with them!

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The Lord shows me the snares of Satan, and enables me to avoid them. He favours me with the light of his countenance, and fills me with holy love. Surely we stand in jeopardy every hour! This day the thunder and lightning struck four people dead on the spot. Awful scene! And will man still venture to be careless and wicked? I made some improvement on the subject in the evening.

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I rose unwell this morning, and received a melancholy account, that the daughter of I.S. was beat overboard.¹ Poor man! He has lost both his children by going to sea. I was much blessed at intercession to-day, but shut up in preaching at night. My soul is determined to live more to God.

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Editorial note: The supplied edition cites “Psalm 1:13”. The 1821 printed journal reads “Psalms l. 13,” corresponding to Psalm 50:13. The reading text has been corrected using this older printed witness; the supplied form is documented here and remains in the original PDF. The supplied edition’s suggestion of Psalm 11:3 is conjectural and is not the reading of this older witness. Francis Asbury, Journal (1821), PDF page 98.

We had a feeling time this morning while I preached from Psalm 50:13.¹ After the various duties of the day, I met the society, and showed them the utility of our economy, the advantages of union and the fearful end of leaving our fellowship.

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Some of my good friends accompanied me¹ as far as Kingsbridge, on my way to New Rochelle. I visited my little flock with some satisfaction. Here are some of the offspring of the French Protestants, who, on account of their religion, fled from Rochelle in France; and God has mercifully remembered them unto the third and fourth generation.²

I have great discoveries of my defects and weaknesses. My soul is not so steadily and warmly devoted to the Lord as it might be. Lord, help me, and supply me with grace always! In preaching from Ephesians 2:12, 13,³ I had great freedom, It seems strange, that sometimes, after much premeditation and devotion, I cannot express my thoughts with readiness and perspicuity; whereas at other times, proper sentences of Scripture and apt expressions occur without care or much thought. Surely this is of the Lord, to convince us that it is not by power or might, but by his Spirit the work must be done. Nevertheless, it is doubtless our duty to give ourselves to prayer and meditation, at the same time depending entirely on the grace of God, as if we had made no preparation. Rose early the next morning, but found myself weak both in body and mind. In this tabernacle I groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed upon with the house which is from heaven. My soul longs to fly to God, that it may be ever with him. O happy day, that shall call a poor exile home to his Father’s house! But I must check the impetuous current of desire, for it is written, “He that believeth shall not make haste.” After preaching to a large auditory in the evening at Peter Bonnette’s, I rested in peace. Visited Mr. Burling (?) a partial friend, the next day, and had some serious, weighty conversation with him. I then went to Mr. Deveau’s very unwell, and in trouble and pain spoke from Job 21:15. After a very restless night, I rose the next morning much indisposed, and was obliged to go to bed again. However, on Friday, 5, I set off for New York; and there met with William Watters.⁴

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My mind is calm and comfortable, but grieved by the imprudence of some, and the loose conduct of a few others. Though much afflicted, I met the band leaders and body bands; and we had a singular blessing.

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We had a solemn, happy love feast. Though very weak, I made out to preach in the evening with some enlargement of heart. Brother Watters has much courage in preaching.

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My soul was assaulted by trials of a very severe kind: but the Lord was my keeper. I have been reading Newton on the Prophecies.¹ He is pretty clear in his views, and affords a good key for many passages; but confines himself too much to the literal meaning of the Revelation.

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My frame is much afflicted. But it is worse to be afflicted in mind by the misconduct of professors. It grieves me much to see the deceit of a few persons who have crept in amongst us. It is a thousand pities that such, whose hearts are not right with God, should ever thrust themselves in amongst the people of God. They are too apt to make all they are connected with as a rope of sand. I clearly see that professors who are rotten at heart, are a hinderance and curse to the rest. May the Lord thoroughly purge his floor! I was very low, but met my class, and preached in the evening. There appeared to be but little depth of religion in the class. It is a great folly to take people into society before they know what they are about. What some people take for religion and spiritual life is nothing but the power of the natural passions. It is true, real religion cannot exist without peace, and love, and joy. But then, real religion is real holiness. And all sensations without a strong disposition for holiness are but delusive.

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My soul is in peace; and longs to be more devoted to God. My heart was enlarged and happy in exhorting the people this evening.

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This was a day of trouble and dejection of mind. But, committing my cause to God by faith and prayer, I have a hope that he will always stand by and deliver me. My soul was greatly straitened in public speaking. I received several letters to-day; some of which revived my spirits; but one from Mr. Rankin gave me pain. Satan makes use of all his cunning and tricks. But the Lord will rebuke him. My duty is clear—to bear all things patiently, and silently commit my cause to God. Even in this city there are some restless minds, who are not much disposed to spiritual union. Going into the pulpit this evening, I found an inflammatory letter without a name. My trials are multiplied and weighty: but glory to God! he strengthens and comforts me by an abundant manifestation of his love. Oh, how is my soul taken up with God! He is all in all to me! and if he is for me, I need not care who is against me.

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Mr. Peabody¹ visited and dined with the rector to-day,² and what the event will be, I know not. Attending at church, as usual, I heard Dr.——³ blow away on, “This is the day that the Lord hath made.” He makes a strange medley of his preaching; though he delivers many good things, yet, for want of some arrangement of his ideas, all appears to be incoherency and confusion. The Spirit of the Lord was with me, while declaring his counsel to a large, listening audience. O that I could bring them to the arms of Christ by thousands!

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I felt some conviction for sleeping too long; and my mind was troubled on account of a conversation which had past between Mr. Rankin, Mr. S.,¹ and myself. But the great Searcher of hearts knoweth my intentions; and to him I submit all future events. Mr. Laidlie² waited on Mr. Peabody, and told him he appeared to be more taken up in reading Mr. Berridge’s Christian World Unmasked,³ than the Bible. Mr. Berridge kept his room, in a very gloomy state of mind, about five years ago; and now he is come forth with his facetious pen to dictate to the Christian world. But Mr. Fletcher, in his Fifth Check,⁴ has fully answered all his witty arguments. Mr. Berridge was a good man, no doubt; but unfortunately drank deep into the principles of Antinomianism.

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My mind is free; and my soul delighteth in God. He taketh such possession of my heart, as to keep out all desire for created objects. In due time, I humbly hope, through Jesus Christ, to enter into the full fruition. O blessed day, when my soul shall be swallowed up in God! “In hope of that immortal crown,

I now the cross sustain;

And gladly wander up and down,

And smile at toil and pain.”

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I was very unwell; and in much pain of body spoke to the people at night. Thus it seems, at present, weakness and pain are a part of my portion. O that my soul may be made perfect through sufferings!

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My body is afflicted, and my way is rough; nevertheless, I cheerfully submit to the will of God. And though very unwell, I met a class and preached at night.

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My heart panteth for God, even for the living God. A letter came to hand to-day from E.B., giving an account of the work of the Lord in Gibraltar, and inviting me to go. But my way is not open.

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A degree of the peace and happiness of heaven possessed my soul to-day. And although it was a rainy evening, many people attended while I preached from 2 Kings 5:14, 15, 16.

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My mind is much exercised about going to Gibraltar. May the Lord direct my steps! On Friday, at intercession, my heart was greatly moved by the power of God.

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My soul was expanded and filled with love, while preaching from Isaiah 55:1. Mr. Peabody attended at the church to-day, but was not invited to preach.¹

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I visited Second River,¹ where a number of Low Dutch people attended the word, which was delivered with a blessing. J.K., one of our local preachers, has been made useful to the inhabitants of this neighbourhood.

Thursday, Sept. 1. My system gathers strength; and though variously and sorely exercised, the Lord is graciously with me, blessing both my soul and my labours. I clearly see that I must be cut off from every creature, to do the will of God with an undivided heart. May the Lord sanctify me wholly for himself, and every moment keep me from all appearance of evil!

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Calm serenity sat on my mind, and all my soul was fixed on God, and sweetly inclined to do his will in all things. In the afternoon I felt unwell, but met the leaders and bands. The next day, though my body was very feeble, I went through my public duties.

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I visited Mrs. D., who hardly escaped falling into ruin, both of body and soul. She opened the matter to me, and found deliverance. A solemn report was brought to the city to-day, that the men-of-war had fired on Boston.¹ A fear rose in my mind of what might be the event of this. But it was soon banished by considering—I must go on and mind my own business,² which is enough for me; and leave all those things to the providence of God.

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I rose very early this morning in great peace, and determined not to let an hour of the day slip without earnest prayer to God. Went the next day to hear Mr. Peabody preach at Flatbush.¹ He spoke pretty well, though very tenderly, on the fall and recovery of man. And the report of his great abilities exceeds the reality. We returned just time enough for preaching: I spoke with great liberty from 2 Kings 5:17, 18, 19; but afterward found myself very unwell.

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Am both grieved and ashamed that my soul is not more steadily and fervently devoted to God.

“And shall I ever live

At this poor, dying rate—

My love so faint, so cold to thee,

And thine to me so great?”

No: I will both labour and strive to be more swallowed up in the holy will of God. My determination is strong; may Divine grace make it stronger and stronger every day!

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My soul was happy in God: yet I felt some grief on account of the weakness and deceit of a few who profess religion.

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God is still my principal object. Tidings came to-day, of some dissatisfaction between Mr. Rankin¹ and the people in Philadelphia. But my duty is before me; I have my own business to mind.

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Dr. —— went on with his trumpery in his old strain; and the great Mr. Peabody had crowds to hear him in the French church. We also had a crowded audience and solemn time in the evening. A young woman of our society, who was seated in the congregation last Lord’s day, is now a corpse. How short, how precarious is life! and yet what awful and weighty things depend upon it! On Monday evening I spoke on the occasion, from Job 19:25, 26. We have lost a promising disciple of twenty-two years of age: but her flesh resteth in hope. When will the Saviour extend the arms of his mercy to make me perfectly and eternally free? I heard the celebrated Mr. Peabody again to-day. He insisted on eternal election; the gift of the Father to the Son; the renewal of the little flock by grace; and the Father’s good pleasure; from Luke 12:32. He detained us two hours; and had many devoted admirers. He spoke to the sinners with great words, but to little purpose.

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My mind is in great peace, and my body in better health. And though my heart cleaveth to the Lord, yet I long—O! I greatly long to be more swallowed up in the will of God.

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All my desire is unto the Lord, and to the remembrance of his name. To please him is my chief delight; but there is more in view for which I pant:—

“A heart in every thought renew’d,

And full of love divine;

Perfect, and right, and pure, and good,

A copy, Lord, of thine,”¹

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I rose this morning dejected in mind. But my purposes to be wholly given up to God, are stronger than ever. And I hope to live to him in a more devoted manner than heretofore. Peace, and power, and love filled my soul, while speaking at night from Hosea 12. Glory be given to God!

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My affections are raised from earth and all its objects. My treasure is above, and there also is my heart. In meeting the bands, I showed them the impropriety and danger of keeping their thoughts or fears of each other to themselves: this frustrates the design of bands; produces coolness and jealousies towards each other; and is undoubtedly the policy of Satan.

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Losing some of my ideas in preaching, I was ashamed of myself, and pained to see the people waiting to hear what the blunderer had to say. May these things humble me, and show me where my great strength lieth! In meeting the society I urged the necessity of more private devotion, and of properly digesting what they hear. Set off the next morning for New Rochelle, and found E. Deveau¹ in distress of soul. This is an agreeable family, and the children are both affectionate and obedient to their parents. I hope she and the rest of them will become true Christians, and be finally bound up in the bundle of life. I preached from 2 Timothy 4:2; and many strangers were present. Satan is frequently assaulting me with his temptations; but the Lord enables me to discover and resist his first attacks.

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Christ was precious. At Peter Bonnette’s I spoke too plainly for some who were present. The next evening, at Frederick Deveau’s, we had a heart-affecting time; and I trust it will not be forgotten by all.

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The Lord has graciously visited E. Deveau, and turned all her mourning into joy. Her soul is happy in the love of God. May the Lord carry on his work of grace through this family and neighbourhood; turning all their hearts unto himself! The power of God was present in the congregation to-night, while I took my leave for a season from Isaiah 66:2.

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I set off for New York, and met some of my good friends at Kingsbridge. They brought me a letter from Thomas Rankin, who thought himself injured; but I am determined to drop all disputes as far as possible. Mr. Peabody is going on in New York with his Antinomianism unmasked. How prone is man to do what is wrong! And what watchfulness and diligence are necessary for a man to be right both in sentiment and practice!

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According to the particular request of sister G., I preached her funeral sermon, from Isaiah 49:10. She had been brought up a Calvinist; but when she found peace with God, she renounced all her Calvinistic principles, which she said had been a check to her industry in seeking the Lord. In the time of her last illness, she manifested a great degree of patience, and expressed a strong desire for entire purity of heart. A little before her death, she was filled with perfect love; and seemed to want more strength and language to praise God. However, she did it to the uttermost of her power.

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My soul is sweetly drawn out after God, and satisfied with him as a sufficient portion. But O! how I long to be more spiritual! “Come, and possess me whole,

Nor hence again remove;

Settle and fix my wav’ring soul

With ALL thy weight of love.”

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William Lynch¹ gave me an account of the manner of Mr. Rankin’s treating him, because he would not go to Schenectady. But my mind is bent on loving God, and doing his will in all things. I have had frequent calls of late to visit the sick. May it prove a blessing both to them and me! My heart was warm while addressing the congregation this evening, and I hope it was not labour lost. At two o’clock in the night, we were all alarmed by a fire which burned down a house in Peck Slip.² What a resemblance of the general judgment! But, if the cry of fire alarms us, how much more shall we be alarmed by the archangel’s trumpet! When all the ungodly shall have ten thousand times more cause to fear, than the loss of houses, and goods, and life, how will they endure the cutting anguish? But they are after the flesh; therefore they mind the things of the flesh, and them only.

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Though I have lately heard several preachers of some fame, I am fully of the opinion that there is room enough for us to preach repentance, faith, and all the work of God on the soul of man. They almost leave this field entirely our own. We had a solemn love feast to-day: though some imposed on us who will not meet in class.

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My soul was in peace, but assaulted by Satan. The next day Mr. Peabody sent for me, and requested permission to preach in our house. I told him, that as he had refused it at first, our people did not take it well.¹

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I rose early this morning, and found my soul devoted to God. But it troubles my mind that I am not more so. Lord, come and save me now with all thy great and glorious salvation! O, hasten the time! “Jesus, see my panting breast;

See, I pant in thee to rest;

Gladly would I NOW be clean;

Cleanse me NOW from every sin.”

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Mr. Peabody had appointed to preach in our house, and a very large congregation attended on the occasion. He spoke on the chaff and wheat, from Matthew 3:12; and perhaps felt himself under some obligation to come as near to our doctrine as his principles would admit of; and thereby gave tolerable satisfaction.

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My heart was enlarged towards God. I saw a letter from Mr. Pilmoor,¹ filled with his usual softness. Poor man! he seems blind to his own conduct. We had a very happy time in meeting the bands this evening.

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The Lord assisted me in my public exercises both morning and night: and going to church to-day, as usual, I heard a stranger preach; but he was a workman that needed to be ashamed. Attended Mr. Peabody on Monday, and found him very affectionate. The elders of the French church¹ wept over him with much tenderness. Several friends, with myself, conducted him across the river; then, after singing a parting hymn, he prayed very feelingly, and we took our leave of each other. I afterward went to preach in the Swamp,² where we had many people and a good time.

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Last night my soul was greatly troubled for want of a closer walk with God. Lord, how long shall I mourn and pray, and not experience all that my soul longeth for? And this day, my mind is in nearly the same frame.

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The Lord blessed me with great peace. I. Molloy¹ brought a letter from New Rochelle, containing an agreeable account of the work of God there. With much enlargement of heart, I preached tonight from 1 Kings 19:11; and hope it was made a blessing to many present.

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My soul is not so intensely stayed on God as it might be. O that he would bring me nearer to himself; and so transform me into his divine likeness, that there may be no diversity of will; but that it may be my meat and drink to promote his glory from moment to moment in all I do! I had much company in the course of this day.

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My heart was much devoted to God. But having been here now four months, preaching or exhorting every day, and twice on the Lord’s day, besides society meetings; it seems to be too much for both the people and the preacher.¹ We have now more unity in the society here than we have had for some time past. But we want more of the life and power of religion amongst us.

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Yesterday Satan assaulted me powerfully; but the Lord was my keeper; so that I may with great propriety adopt the language of the poet,—

“In all my temptations he keeps me, to prove

His utmost salvation, his fulness of love.”

This day the Spirit of grace assisted me in my public exercises. Mr. S.T., once a silversmith of this city, preached a good sermon at church;¹ though his voice was so low that he could scarce be heard.

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Many people attended preaching in the Beekman’s Swamp; and my soul was greatly blessed in the discharge of my duty. But O, my heart is bowed down within me; and I feel strongly determined to be more watchful and diligent in pleasing God.

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My heart was much taken up with God. I drank tea this afternoon with an old Moravian, who belonged to their fraternity in Fetter Lane, at the time when Mr. Wesley was so intimate with them.

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Captain Webb informed me by letter, the house in Baltimore was so far finished that he had preached in it. With great liberty and satisfaction, I both met class and preached in the evening; and feel more encouragement to hope for the people here.

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Notwithstanding all my grievous temptations, God is still the object of my faith, my hope, my love, my joy. O that he may fill me always with filial fear, and give me grace to die to all but him! My soul abounds with sweet peace; and an exhortation which I gave this evening, was made a blessing, I trust, to several that heard it.

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A solemn, comfortable sense of God rested on my mind, and he has kept me from what I hate. And though Satan made some attempts upon my soul, yet the Lord gave me power to withstand him. The next day we had a refreshing time in band meeting.

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Dr. Magaw,¹ from Dover, preached to-day at church, on fellowship with God. He spoke well on the subject, as far as it relates to the fruits and effects of the Spirit; but was deficient in respect to the witness, supposing that some may be in favour with God and not know it. Our carnal hearts are too prone to draw destructive conclusions from such a doctrine as his. Dr. Ogilvie,² as usual, made a mighty clutter in the pulpit about Noah’s ark. Our congregation was large, and we were not left without a blessing.

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I still look to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of my faith, and trust in him for supplies of strength and consolation. But O, when shall my attention be so fixed, that nothing may divert it a single moment from its beloved object! We are informed that three of our preachers are coming over from England, and that we may look for them every day.¹

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This morning my spirit wrestled with principalities and powers; but in the duty of prayer the Lord delivered me. After preaching at night from Matthew 24:12, a man from Morristown¹ came to me to inquire into my principles; and told me the Lord was bringing souls to himself in his neighbourhood, and that more than one hundred were converted there.

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My soul is in peace, but longs to be more spiritual. After meeting a class and preaching in the evening, I found myself indisposed with a cold and fever. The next day my disorder continued, attended with a sore throat, so that it was with difficulty and pain I spoke to the people.

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I do not sufficiently love God, nor live by faith in the suburbs of heaven. This gives me more concern than the want of health. “‘Tis worse than death my God to love,

And not my God alone.”

I was not able to preach, and was obliged to go to bed early; but could not sleep. On Saturday, as my disorder continued, I felt a strong desire for more patience. Mr. Jarvis, his wife, and daughter, are all very ill; brought on chiefly through fatigue.

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I kept close house till evening. And O! what happiness did my soul enjoy with God! So open and delightful was the intercourse between God and my soul, that it gave me grief if any person came into my room, to disturb my sweet communion with the blessed Father and the Son. When my work is done, may I enter into that fulness of joy which shall never be interrupted, in the blissful realms above! In the evening I ventured to preach from 1 Corinthians 1:21; and spoke with great freedom and plainness; and felt better afterward than could have been expected. Found myself something better on Monday, and met two classes.

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My soul was in a lively frame, and sweetly inclined to live to God, and to do all his holy will. Many people appeared to feel the word, while I preached in the evening from Luke 8:18.

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My friends in this city concluded to write to Mr. Rankin,¹ requesting that I might continue some time longer in New York and the country adjacent, supposing it would endanger my life to go into the low countries. But to stay or go, I submit to Providence. As my legs, hands, and feet were swollen, it was thought proper to consult a physician, who sent me a certain mixture of bitters.

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My mind was much taken up with God; but I must lament that I am not perfectly crucified with Christ. I visited Mr. Jarvis, who appeared to be near death; and am ready to say, Art thou he? O, how changed! The next morning about eight o’clock he died, being about forty-two years of age, leaving a wife and six children behind him. At present a spirit of harmony subsisteth amongst our leaders; but I want to see them also deeply engaged to take the kingdom of heaven by violence.

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Both my body and mind were afflicted to-day. In the morning I showed the congregation the danger of settling on their lees; as all do who rest in dead formality, or trust in any past experience. In the evening, I addressed the people on the heartfelt inquiry of the trembling jailor, “What must I do to be saved?”

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My body was weak, and my mind was much tempted. Lord, support and comfort me under every trial! I met the class of Mr. Jarvis deceased: found much love amongst them; and by general consent, appointed Richard Sause¹ to act as their leader. I found much satisfaction in preaching the next evening; but had sore conflicts with Satan in the course of the day.

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My soul is strengthened with might, and filled with peace. But I see the propriety and great necessity of living every moment more and more to God. We are informed from Philadelphia, that it is eight weeks since the preachers sailed from England;¹ though they are not yet arrived.

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My heart is grieved, and groaneth for want of more holiness. A letter from E. Deveau, at New Rochelle, informs me of a gay young woman, and one or two more, who are turning to God through Christ Jesus. They call aloud for preachers to come amongst them.¹ On Saturday we had a blessed time in band meeting; though my mind had been somewhat depressed by finding one or two of my best friends drawn into a measure of party spirit.²

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Editorial note: The supplied edition cites “Psalm 1:12” (ASB_VOL1.PDF, PDF page 143), but this is not a valid reference in the library’s KJV numbering. The source’s own footnote discusses the difficulty: There is no verse 12 in Psalm 1. This is probably a misprint for Psalm 1:2. Note that Asbury used this text at New Rochelle the next day. These suggestions remain conjectural. The 1821 printed journal also reads “Psalm i. 12”; that older witness does not remove the citation difficulty. Francis Asbury, Journal (1821), PDF page 109.

Dr. Inglis, at St. Paul’s, was on his old tedious subject of the Lord’s supper. He cannot be at any great loss in saying the same thing over and over again so frequently. Many people attended at our church in the morning; and in the evening there were about a thousand who seriously listened, while I preached from Psalm 1:12.¹

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I set off for New Rochelle; but by the disagreeable gait of the horse, was exceedingly wearied on my arrival: nevertheless, I gave an exhortation to some serious people who were collected there. The next day my mind was troubled by turning on political subjects, which are out of my province. Alas! what a small matter may interrupt our communion with God; and even draw away our affections from him. Though we had a profitable time, while I preached from Psalm 1:2.

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I went to Peter Bonnette’s,¹ where we had many people and some power. There is a very perceivable alteration in the people of these parts: they both hear and understand, in some measure, the things of God; and can feel his awful truths. I had some conversation with a certain Mr. Burling, a sensible man, though he is tainted with the indolent spirit of Quakerism.

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All my desire was after God, and him alone: though my spirit was grieved by some involuntary thoughts which crowded in upon me. But in the midst of all, there was a calm and settled peace.

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Unguarded and trifling conversation has brought on a degree of spiritual deadness. But, by the grace of God, I will rouse myself, and endeavour to be more watchful and spiritual in all my ways; and in all things please him whom my soul loveth far above every other object.

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I set off with an intention to go to New York, but at the bridge¹ was informed that Mr. Dempster² had come to the city. Therefore I returned to Mr. Bonnette’s; and preached twice there the next day, as also once at Mr. Deveau’s: and am persuaded that the power of God attended the word at both places. We have here a small class of about thirteen persons,³ most of whom enjoy peace and consolation in Christ Jesus. I met them on Monday, and we were greatly comforted together.

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My heart is weaned from visible objects; and, by grace, raised to its Best-beloved above. But, O! I greatly long for more solid, lasting union—to be inwardly adorned with all the virtues and graces of evangelical religion. We were this day informed of the death of Mr. Ogilvie.¹ May the Lord help me to be faithful, lest I should not live out half my days! I set off the next day for New York, and met brother Sause at Kingsbridge. When we got within about ten miles of New York, we found that about fifteen minutes before a man had been robbed of his money and his coat from off his back. One of the rogues pursued us, but we were too far before him. We reached our church just as Mr. Dempster began to preach.

NEW JERSEY

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After taking my leave of my good friends in New York the last evening,¹ from Philippians 1:27, Captain Webb and myself set off this morning for Perth Amboy. We met with a person who came a passenger with us from England in the character of a gentleman, by the name of Wilson, but now he calls himself Clarkson; and since then he has called himself Lavingston. He has been apprehended for passing a counterfeit bill, for which he was both imprisoned and whipped. When he saw me, he knew me and I knew him: but he was in such perplexity that he could eat no breakfast, and went off in the first wagon he could meet with. To what fears and anxiety are poor sinners exposed! And if the presence of a mortal man can strike such terror into the minds of guilty sinners, what must they feel when they stand without a covering before a heart-searching and righteous God? On Tuesday, we arrived at Burlington, very weary; and were saluted with the melancholy news, that two unhappy men were to be hung on the Monday following; one for bestiality, and the other for abusing several young girls in the most brutish and shocking manner. Alas for the dignity of human nature! The next day I visited them; and found one of them, who was a Papist, a little attentive; but he wanted to know if he might not trust for pardon after death. The other was a young man who appeared to be quite stupid. Both Captain Webb and I spoke freely and largely to them; though there was very little room to hope that we should do them any good. Here Mrs. H. gave an account of the triumphant death of her sister, whose heart the Lord touched about two years ago under my preaching. In preaching this evening, I showed the people the emptiness of mere externals in religion, and the absolute necessity of the inward power and graces thereof.

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My soul enjoys great peace; but longs for more of God. We visited the prisoners again; and Captain Webb enforced some very alarming truths upon them, though very little fruit of his labour could be seen. Mr. Rankin came to Burlington to-day, and desired me to go to Philadelphia. So, after preaching in the evening from Proverbs 28:13, I set off the next morning for the city; and found the society in the spirit of love.

PENNSYLVANIA

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I preached twice with some freedom; and went to hear Mr. Stringer,¹ but it was the same thing over again. The next day my mind was in a sweet, calm frame, and I felt a strong determination to devote myself wholly to God and his service. I spoke my mind to Mr. Rankin, but we did not agree in judgment. And it appeared to me, that to make any attempt to go to Baltimore would be all in vain.

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Visited some of my friends in the city; and wrote a letter to Mr. Wesley, which I read to Mr. Rankin, that he might see I intended no guile or secret dealings. It is somewhat grievous that he should prevent my going to Baltimore, after being acquainted with my engagements, and the importunities of my friends there. However, all things shall work together for good to them that love God. The next day Mr. Rankin appeared to be very kind; so I hope all things will give place to love.

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Mr. Rankin preached a close sermon, on the neglect of public worship. At church Mr. Stringer had the same thing over again: but the power of the Lord attended our preaching in the evening, from 2 Thessalonians 1:7, 8.

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Yesterday my heart was fervently engaged in acts of devotion; and with some enlargement of heart, I gave an exhortation at a private house near my lodging. But to-day, my cry is, O for more spirituality!—more purity of heart! Lord, form me by the power of divine grace, according to all thy righteous will, that my soul may enjoy thee in glory forever! Though concurring circumstances required me to speak this evening, in a manner unprepared, yet we were blessed with a comfortable season.

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Mr. Rankin was sick, and Captain Webb was busy, so I spent my time in study and devotion; and enjoyed a blessed sense of the divine presence. But what need can there be for two preachers here to preach three times a week to about sixty people? On Thursday night about sixty persons attended to hear Captain Webb preach. This is indeed a very gloomy prospect. But my heart delighteth in God. He is the object of my hope; and I trust he will be my portion forever.

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My soul was happy while preaching in the morning. Mr. Stringer gave us an old piece at church; and Mr. Rankin was very furious in the evening.

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My body was indisposed, but my soul enjoyed health. The Lord gives me patience, and fills me with his goodness. In meeting sister Mary Thorne’s¹ class we had a mutual blessing. “O that I could all invite,

His saving truth to prove!

Show the length, and breadth, and height, And depth of Jesus’ love.”

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I began to read Neal’s History of the Puritans.¹ The Lord keeps me from all impure desire, and makes me to abound with divine peace. In prayer meeting this evening all present were greatly blest.

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Mr. Neal, in his history, is tolerably impartial; though he seems rather inclined to favour the Non-conformists. But how strange! that the reformation should be carried on in such a reign as that of Henry VIII, and in the time of Edward VI, while he was but a child. The good bishops, no doubt, carried the matter as far as they could; but it was not in their power to disentangle themselves and the nation from all the superstition of Popery. But queen Elizabeth and her friends bore hard for the supremacy. It seems the dispute began at Frankfort; and Calvin was in the consultation. In the evening I preached from these words, “Neither give place to the devil:” and believe it was good for some that they were present. Took my lodging the next day at Mr. W.’s.

The next day, as the snow was near two feet deep, I did not go out, but had a comfortable time at home.

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My soul is happy in the love of God. He gives me grace to die daily to the world, and all the desires of the flesh. Dr. Stringer delivered a good discourse from Isaiah 26:20, 21, on the solemn occasion of a fast and preparation for the Lord’s supper. I spoke at night from John 1:12, 13.

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